Don’t box me in with labels

Posted on 14. Jul, 2010 by kchristieh in my life

When a well-meaning friend recently referred to me as a “Mommy Blogger,” I instantly got defensive. Over the past 1,400+ blog posts, I’ve covered a wide variety of topics and made a conscious effort not to use my unsuspecting family as my primary blogging material. In fact, a quick survey of my most recent 20 posts shows that only 1 centered on something I did as a parent, and that one (“Why I Love Baccalaureate“) could have been written by anyone in attendance at that event. As blessed as I am to be a parent, I especially don’t want to be labeled as something that doesn’t totally define me, or that implies something I’m not.

Here are some other labels that people have pinned on me, and why I hope you can see beyond them:

MOM: I’m the proud parent of a 16-year-old and an 18-year-old. They’re great kids, and yes, they call me “Mom.” But I have my own life, with just as many friends on Facebook, and I don’t need to live vicariously through them, spy on them, or pander to them the way the “Mom” label might imply to some people. Ironically, or perhaps predictably, I think that the people that put the “Mom” label on me the most are my children’s peers.

WIFE: I’ve been married 23 years to a great guy. Wow. That’s twice as long as my parents were married to each other. I’m blessed to be in a marriage loaded with mutual love, respect, values, interests, etc. But as much as I may be the one that makes the dinner and drives the kids, I have my own life too. And so does my husband. Being a wife is wonderful, but it’s not all that I am.

DEMOCRAT: Over the past 19 years, I think I’ve only voted for one Republican. As much as I’d like to call myself an Independent, because I do think independently, I think my voting record definitely qualifies me as a Democrat. But I don’t agree with all the positions of the Democratic party, even some that are basic to other people. I think my positions are consistent and logical, but don’t we all?

WHITE: When I was an RA in college, one of the students in my dorm, whose father had been a sharecropper, called me the most “white bread” person she’d ever known. Yes, I am White. The parts of me that don’t see the light of day could blind you with their brightness, and I am shocked at how closely I align with the website “Stuff White People Like.” Yesterday I dragged the kids to Whole Foods to get more Mandarin Pumpkin Marmalade for my morning crêpe, and they said that was incredibly White of me. Given that for the over 400 years that I can trace back my family tree all my ancestors hail from Northern Europeans, this label sticks. But please don’t think that because I’m one race, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love people of all races. I married a Latino man, who has ancestors over the past 150 years that were Native American, Persian, Italian, and Spanish. I don’t care what race the person my children go out with or marry someday is; I care about what’s in that person’s heart, and in their character. And if you really want to get technical, I’m not exactly white. I’m more like the square on the right, which is hex #FFF3ED.

JERSEY GIRL: Yes, I was born in New Jersey. But I chose to leave. See the next label.

CALIFORNIAN: I LOVE California. I love the weather, the diversity of people and their cultures, and the geography. But most of all, I love the energy and enthusiasm of my adopted state, and the freedom and encouragement to venture forth and buck tradition to try new things. But I don’t have blinders on; I know California isn’t perfect. Our public education system is sinking fast at all levels, and we’re far from resolving important issues like immigration, prison overcrowding, and health care. We’ve also taken a big hit economically over the past few years. So while I’m proud and blessed to be a Californian, like my state, I’m complicated and not easily labeled. Ditto for being AMERICAN. I was so lucky to be born here, and am so proud to be a citizen of a country that values freedom so highly. But it doesn’t mean I agree with everything our nation does. Thankfully I have the freedom to be able to say that!

MIDDLE-AGED: I’m 47. Born in 1963, high school class of 1981, college class of 1985. I don’t hide it. Even so, I don’t feel any older than I did 20 years ago. Sure, only my hairdresser knows the true color of my lovely locks, and you won’t see me in a bikini anymore. But I feel like I have just as much energy and zest as I ever have. I embrace the information revolution, and have loved keeping up with all the new tools that allow me to stay efficient and productive in my life and in my career. My age actually benefits me in that I’ve experienced so much more of life that I feel smarter and wiser than ever. So call me middle-aged, but make sure it’s a compliment, not a hindrance. (Oh, how I hope this is all true in 20 years!)

CHRISTIAN: I am Christian. I believe that God sent Jesus to us because he loves us, and that we should follow his teachings and LOVE one another. And that’s the rub: I think that many Christians these days, who spend the bulk of their time bashing people they don’t agree with, shed a bad light on Christianity. I think God loves everyone, no matter what their race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. and that we should too. So I hope that when you label me as a Christian, you think love, not hate.

GEEK: Yes, I have an MS in engineering, and can easily stay up all night refining the code on a website to make sure that each pixel matches up. But “Geek” to some people implies a lack of social skills, and that’s definitely not a problem for me. (See the Facebook reference above.)

Maybe if you combine these labels you’ll get a better picture of who I am, as long as you bear in mind the ways I’ve stated I don’t adhere to their stereotypes. Once people know me, they know that instead of labels, they should use adjectives to describe me. I’d prefer hard-working, caring, flexible, social, eager, curious, and many others. Just be careful not to stereotype me. I’m a unique person, with lots to contribute, just like everyone else.

PS – Despite not wanting to be called a “Mommy Blogger,” I will probably write a few posts about my first child going off to college next month. I may not only be a Mom, but it is a big part of who I am, and we’re going through some big changes in our house.

Kathy & Don’s Big Adventure

Posted on 06. Sep, 2009 by kchristieh in movies, my life

About 24 years ago today, my husband and I went on our first date, to the movie “Pee Wee Herman’s Big Adventure.”

I’ve found that most people either love or hate this movie. There aren’t many who are neutral on the subject. I love it, though in moderate doses.

If you’re also a fan, check out this YouTube video of a combo movie/live action Pee Wee Herman tribute:

Of course, we played “Tequila” at our wedding. I didn’t have platform shoes, but I danced pretty well anyway.

Why my husband’s not banished to the doghouse

Posted on 09. Dec, 2008 by kchristieh in advertising, my life, videos

When I told my friend Deirdre that on our 20th anniversary, my husband and I got a cushy La-Z-Boy sectional sofa, she said she’d have to talk to my husband about this. I insisted that it was truly what I wanted, and to this day I love sitting on that couch. (although I’m usually at my computer!)

Here’s a funny video/ad about husbands who wind up in the doghouse because they don’t understand their wives’ desires:

I read one review of the video that called it sexist. They have a point. I found it funny anyway, because I’ve seen similar situations. But I’ve learned to make it easy for my husband and tell him what I want. It’s much easier that way. Or I just treat myself and take the pressure off him. We started going out over 23 years ago, and got married over 21 years ago…so I guess it works.

I wonder what the video would look like from the guy’s perspective? Perhaps he’d bring home 10 choices of diamonds, and none would be good enough. Personally, I’ve told my husband never to get me a diamond anything. My wedding ring is enough for me.

Video of my grandparents’ 1936 wedding

Posted on 04. Dec, 2008 by kchristieh in my life, videos

I FINALLY put the four-minute video of my ! My uncle had transferred the movie to a VHS tape for me many years ago, and my stepfather recently transferred the VHS tape to a DVD. I had to import that file to ArcSoft to then export it to the correct format for YouTube. You get the point: this was a long time coming!

May I introduce to you the newly-married couple: Marjorie Dorothea Rose Jaeger and Harold Frederick Christie. They were married at the First Congregational Church in Brooklyn, NY on June 26, 1936. I think they’d only met that February, so it’s a pretty impressive event given that it was pulled together so quickly. I think my grandfather asked my grandmother to marry him after knowing her for only two weeks. Maybe that’s where I get my quick decision-making from. They were married until my grandmother died in the beginning of 1994.

I wish I knew who all the other people in the video were, and what they’re saying. Both of their fathers had passed away by this point, but I can’t figure out which ones are their mothers. It’s so neat to see everyone looking so happy. I wish I could have known them.NOTE: It gets blurry for a few seconds as they walk down the aisle, but it re-emerges at the reception.

Prop. 8 contributions skew conservative in La Canada

Posted on 07. Nov, 2008 by kchristieh in my life, politics, social networking

Here’s some solid proof that La Canada is a conservative community:

Prop. 8 (Marriage = between a man and a woman):

Opposition:

• 32 people gave a total of $17,940 to oppose Proposition 8. (=avg. $598 / person)
• 4,458 people voted against it.

Support:

• 69 people gave a total of $285,554 to support Proposition 8. (=avg. $4,138.46 / person)
• 4,830 people voted for it.

President:

• Obama: 4,597
• McCain: 4,602

I haven’t blogged about Prop. 8 before, but I wish I had. I voted against it. I understand that many Christians voted for it based upon their beliefs, but I voted against it based on my Christian beliefs. I believe that God made some people gay, and if they truly love someone and want to declare that love publicly, I think that’s a beautiful thing. Not only does it not threaten my 21+ year marriage, but it makes me appreciate my marriage since this is something that homosexuals want so badly. On the other hand, I know people who are turned off from marriage because they’ve witnessed the ugliness of heterosexual divorce. I don’t want to get into a whole theological discussion about this, but I just wish that people would appreciate that one can still believe and yet vote a different way. (Here’s a shout out to my pastor, who told us last week we should prayerfully consider our vote, but didn’t tell us to vote a certain way. Love it!)

Last week I logged onto Facebook and saw a picture of a friend and his husband and daughter (so cute!) at the wedding of another gay couple, and a picture of another friend after her Mormon sealing ceremony. I think both of these people are absolutely wonderful, loving people. I don’t think that either side should assume the other side is evil or malicious, and I appreciate the wonderful people on either side.

On another note, I won the Rattling the Kettle contest to guess the number of electoral votes that Barack Obama would get. Yay!! I won a “Yes on 8″ sign, and need to decide what to do with it. Any suggestions?

Links:

• How La Canada Voted (La Canada Valley Sun)
• Proposition 8 Contributions from La Canadans: For  / Against / Summary sorted by name

How to make your husband do more around the house

Posted on 16. Jun, 2008 by kchristieh in feminism, my life, parenting, startling statistics

Here’s a sad statistic: when both a husband and a wife both have full-paying jobs,

There, the wife does 28 hours of housework and the husband, 16. Just shy of two to one, which makes no sense at all.

It’s no wonder that some couples are setting up chore and errand charts to ensure equity. According to yesterday’s NYTimes Magazine article, When Mom and Dad Share It All, there are even couples that set up schedules on the computer. Many gain their inspiration from a group called the ThirdPath Institute, which encourages shared work within families so that they can create more time for life.

This intrigues the industrial engineer in me, but thankfully I don’t need to set up charts at my house. Although my husband works full-time outside the home, he’s great at chipping in to clean up, and even does his own laundry. Since I work at home, I mix in chores and errands with my work day. We settled into a routine long ago: I track the finances and he mops the kitchen floor. We’re both happy. Now to get the kids to do even more! (Heehee! They’ll have more time now that summer’s almost here!)

The article brought up something that I don’t hear talked about much: that many women choose less stressful or lower prestige positions to accommodate family demands. That’s definitely true in our case. I left my first consulting job because I didn’t want to travel away from my husband, and I left my second job when I saw that the only way to move up in the company was to move to the Midwest. If I’d considered myself to be the primary breadwinner, perhaps I wouldn’t have made those decisions. Although I’m very happy with these decisions, I do wonder what I could be doing professionally now. Then again, if I had stuck with those jobs, I might be wondering what I could be doing for my family or community that I wasn’t.

Reason #1 I’ve been too busy to blog: Book Expo & Anniversary

Posted on 01. Jun, 2008 by kchristieh in books, my life

It’s probably a good sign that I got nothing done in the past few days, and haven’t even blogged. It means I’ve been having fun. Here’s a quick recap of what kept me occupied on Friday:

I treated some of our school district’s librarians to Book Expo America at the LA Convention Center. Our first stop was the Children’s Author Breakfast, which featured Judy Blume, Neil Gaiman, and Sherman Alexie, as introduced by Jon Scieszka and Eoin Colfer. They were all brilliant and witty and amazing beyond all of our expectations, and we were completely inspired. Neil Gaiman showed a short clip about the upcoming stop-motion animation movie Coraline, based upon his . It looks incredible, and I can’t wait to see the finished product. In the meantime, I can’t wait to read the advance copy of his newest novel, The Graveyard Book. He says it’s about a toddler who somehow escapes after the rest of his family is murdered, and is raised by the ghosts in the nearby graveyard. The back cover says it’s for age 10 and up, but I can’t wait to read it! You can read more about the breakfast on the Publisher’s Weekly website.

After the breakfast, we went straight to the nearest exhibit hall, where rows of publishers were displaying and distributing this year’s hottest upcoming books. Thank goodness they gave away free bags for us to hold them all in! I think I brought home about 5 bags of books. I seriously need more hours in the day to read them! Of all the books I got, I’m most looking forward to reading Darin Strauss’ newest novel, . I loved his book about the Siamese twins, , but when he signed this book for me, he looked straight into my eyes and swore this one’s even better. I can’t wait to decide for myself!

Lest you think librarians are a boring bunch, my gals didn’t hesitate for a moment when I asked them to pose for a picture with the Prince of Black Angels. Too funny! By the time we left, it was nearly 5 pm, and we were all exhausted.

Thankfully I was able to summon enough energy to have a lovely 21st anniversary dinner with my wonderful husband at Cafe Beaujolais in Eagle Rock. Then I came home and collapsed. But it was all good.

Librarians Gone Wild, plus the Prince and I:

Should someone be fired for divorcing?

Posted on 30. Apr, 2008 by kchristieh in my life, religion

Have you ever answered a question that was so far-fetched you couldn’t believe it was even being asked?

That’s how I felt today when I saw the following poll in the Christianity Today email newsletter:
“Should a Christian school fire members of its faculty who divorce?”

Here are the results so far:

I’ve been happily married for nearly 21 years, so this isn’t a personal issue for me.

I think it would be awful for someone to either be afraid to divorce because they’d lose their job, or to get divorced and then lose their job at the same time. I’m all for putting lots of effort into making a marriage work, but I’m not going to judge someone who’s made the painful decision to get a divorce.

Maybe the people who think it’s ok to fire someone for divorcing are themselves perfect. Somehow I doubt it, however. I think we should be showing divorcees love, not judgment.

“Ugly Betty” wedding announcement in NY Times

Posted on 04. Nov, 2007 by kchristieh in tv

Only the uber-rich or uber-famous get their weddings announced in the NY Times, so it’s no surprise that Wilhelmina Slater and Bradford Meade had an announcement in today’s paper:

In case you can’t read the small print, here’s what it says:

Wilhelmina Vivian Slater, Creative Director at MODE Magazine, will marry Bradford Emerson Meade, media mogul and chairman of Meade Publications, on Thursday, November 8 at 8pm. To prevent excessive press coverage, the location of the wedding is not being released, but it will be covered exclusively on the ABC Television Network.

Ms. Slater works in New York as the Creative Director of MODE Magazine. She is a former supermodel who started in the fashion business as the assistant to former MODE editor-in-chief Fey Sommers. Ms. Slater is the daughter of the esteemed Senator Slater. She has one daughter, 17-year old Nico Slater, who is currently attending boarding school in France. The bride will be wearing a custom-designed Vera Wang gown for the ceremony and will be attended to by close friend, global fashion icon and pop superstar Victoria Beckham.

Mr. Meade, 60, is the founder and CEO of Meade Publications. He has 2 children, eldest son-turned-daughter Alexis and New York bachelor Daniel Meade, both currently co-editors-in-chief of MODE. Mr. Meade’s previous marriage to Claire Meade, the co-founder and co-owner of MODE Magazine ended in divorce in May 2007.

All press requests should go through Ms.Slater’s personal assistant Marc St.James.

For all the nuptials details, visit abc.com.

Darn! My invitation got lost in the mail. Guess I’ll have to watch it on tv. I’m sure it’ll be MUCH more exciting than any wedding I’ve ever attended in person. That probably says something good about my friends and relatives.

Male scientists justify older men marrying younger women

Posted on 26. Sep, 2007 by kchristieh in parenting

This is for real: scientists from Stanford and UCSB have determined that when older men reproduce with much younger women, it helps the species to survive and live longer. According to a report from the Stanford News Service,

Evolutionary theory says that individuals should die of old age when their reproductive lives are complete, generally by age 55 in humans, according to demographer Cedric Puleston, a doctoral candidate in biological sciences at Stanford. But the fatherhood of a small number of older men is enough to postpone the date with death because natural selection fights life-shortening mutations until the species is finished reproducing.

Makes sense to me: if some people are reproducing longer, the species will replicate itself more. And if your father lives to an old age (or if he starts out being your father at one), then you’re likely to live longer also.

One thing I didn’t see in the news report was what the effect is on the welfare and survival of the species due to increased birth defects in babies of these older men. Perhaps these babies are more likely to live longer, but according to The International Herald Tribune, they’re more likely to have autism, muscular dystrophy, schizophrenia and a host of other disorders. Their grandchildren are also more likely to inherit the likelihood of having certain birth defects.

So before guys decide to dump First Wife and move on to Trophy Wife #1, be warned: fatherhood could be much tougher the second time around.

I’m sure David Letterman will have lots of fun with this study!

Startling Statistics Part I: Marriage

Posted on 20. Sep, 2007 by kchristieh in my life, startling statistics

I’m starting a new series today: Startling Statistics. As the name suggests, I’ll share surprising or significant statistics I’ve stumbled upon.

First up: Marriage. Here are what I consider the most significant stats from today’s New York Times article, 25th Anniversary Mark Elusive for Many Couples:

• In 2004, among people in their late 20s, a majority of men – 54 percent – had never married, and 41 percent of women had not. In 1996, the comparable figures were 49 percent among men and 35 percent among women.
• Among Americans married in the 1950s, about 70 percent were still married by their 25th anniversary.
  Only 49.5 percent of men and 46.4 percent of women who married in the late 1970s were married 25 years later.
• About 80 percent of first marriages that took place in the late 1950s lasted at least 15 years.
  Among people who married in the late 1980s for the first time, however, only 61 percent of the men and 57 percent of the women were married 15 years later.
• Among men over 15, the percentage who have never been married was 45 percent for blacks, 39 percent for Hispanics, 33 percent for Asians and 28 percent for whites. Among women over 15, it was 44 percent for blacks, 30 percent for Hispanics, 23 percent for Asians and 22 percent for whites.
  

Phew! My husband and I celebrated our 20th anniversary this year, so we’re bucking the trends. It’s strange to think that nearly half the newlywed couples who were at Club Med when we honeymooned there are probably divorced by now.

I looked up the statistics for my city, since I think there’s a higher percentage of married couples here than in most places.

• Sure enough, census data for La Canada Flintridge shows that the percentage of the population over 15 that had never married was 18.8% in 2000, and the percentage that were currently married was 69.1%.

Is it because it’s expensive to live here, because we’re a conservative community, or because singles don’t want to live here? Who knows? Here are how some other communities compare:

• Santa Monica’s 90402 zip, which was named 12th most expensive by Forbes in 2005, showed 23.2% never married and 59.7% currently married. La Canada was 89th most expensive on that list, which implies that it’s not just expense keeping singles away from here.
• Hermosa Beach, which was #88 on the list, has a whopping 47.3% never married, and only 37.7% currently married.
• My old hometown of Rumson, NJ, had statistics right between La Canada and Santa Monica: 21.1% never married, and 64.1% currently married.
• At this point, I tried finding a zipcode with more conservative statistics than ours, so I thought I’d try Utah. I don’t know much about Utah, but I figured I’d try the zip code where the Mormon Tabernacle is (84150). Census data shows that in that zip, 27.9% had never married and 58.8% were currently married.

So here’s the challenge: can anyone find a zip code with a higher percentage of married people than 91011?

I could go on and on. Anyway, it’s sad that so few marriages stay together. So much for “’til death do we part.”

One more reason to love my husband

Posted on 04. Sep, 2007 by kchristieh in my life

Our washing machine died a dramatic death today. Not only did it stop about two minutes after it filled with water and started spinning my clothes, but it emitted a pungent burnt-rubber death smell when it bit the dust.

I’ve called repairmen (why don’t I ever find repairwomen? they must exist!) and the soonest anyone can come is a week from now. They’re probably all busy repairing air conditioners. I think it’s probably futile anyway: I don’t think this machine can be revived, and even if it can, it’ll probably just continue to tear up our clothing just as it has for years.

I was lamenting the fact that I’d have to find a laundromat and hang out there for the rest of the day, but then my husband emailed those three sweet words every woman longs to hear: “Fluff and Fold.” So I’m off to the cleaners. What a good man.

Chocolate mousse at Cafe Beaujolais

Posted on 02. Jun, 2007 by kchristieh in food, international, my life

Bon appetit! We had a wonderful dinner for our 20th anniversary the other night at Cafe Beaujolais in Eagle Rock. The duck with raspberry sauce and the spinach flan were magnifique, but the chocolate mousse topped with fresh whipped cream was stupéfiant.

That’s probably because this thick mousse tasted exactly like my maternal grandmother’s recipe for chocolate pie. My grandmother was a wonderful cook, and even made her own mints and hard sauce at Christmas.

Caution: A very thin sliver of this pie will fill you up. I’m not kidding. Also, make sure your relatives aren’t coming over on holidays just for the pie! 

World’s Most Amazing Chocolate Pie

Ingredients:

• 2/3 cup butter or margarine
• 1 cup sugar
• 3 beaten eggs
• 2-1 oz. squares unsweetened chocolate, completely melted
• 2/3 cup semisweet chocolate pieces, completely melted
• 1 9″ graham cracker pie crust shell or 9″ pie shell made of pie crust (We prefer the graham cracker crust. If you’re ambitious, homemade ones are the best!)
• 1/3 cup crushed peppermint stick candy (optional)
• 1 cup heavy cream, whipped (optional)

Steps:

• Chill the pie shell.
• Cream butter and sugar together until light. Make sure everything is dissolved completely.
• Blend in eggs. (Don’t worry – they get cooked from being with the hot chocolate)
• Add both kinds of melted chocolate; mix thoroughly.
• Pour into chilled pie shell.
• Add peppermint candy.
• Chill about 3.5 hours just before serving.

Someday I’ll post my mom’s lasagne recipe. Why are all the good recipes so bad for us?

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Pessimist Nation

Posted on 01. Jun, 2007 by kchristieh in articles, life lessons

John Gravois has written a follow-up story to his “Think Negative” story I blogged about recently. His original story assailed “The Secret” for its overemphasis on the power of optimism. He encouraged readers to write in to Slate with their stories about how pessimism saved the day, and said the stories would be passed on to Oprah to encourage her to have Karen Cerulo, who’s written about the importance of pessimism in , as a guest.

In “Pessimism Nation,” Gravois relates some of those stories:

We received a ton of e-mails like this one, from Lane: “Had I been of a more realistic mindset, I may not have assumed that I would be married forever (I wasn’t), that my husband would be faithful (he wasn’t), that he would pay his child support (he doesn’t), etc, etc, etc. Twenty years after getting married (and 5 after getting divorced), while not overly suspicious, I’m now always on the lookout for reality!”

He also received lots of letters from people reminding us of how we’re protected by behind-the-scenes pessimists:

Patti, an air-traffic controller, theorizes that only people in an affluent, technologically advanced society, packed with fail-safes and conveniences, could be so susceptible to The Secret’s brand of hubris. “Things usually work out for the best,” she writes, “but only because someone somewhere is working hard to make it so. In my profession as an air traffic controller this is true every day. You expect and prepare for the worst and use all of your skills to keep it from happening; but when the worst happens, those controllers that imagined dire scenarios and possible solutions perform better than those that did not.”

I’ve actually been thinking a lot about that since I originally posted about this. I’d go crazy if I thought of all the awful things that could happen tomorrow (cancer, terrorists, earthquakes, etc.), so I put it out of my mind. However, I need to make sure I’m always prepared for the worst case scenario. “Expect the best, prepare for the worst” best describes my motto. However, I’ll be the first to admit I’m not always perfectly prepared for the worst. Once again, the Serenity Prayer applies

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Hopefully Karen Cerulo will be on Oprah!

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It’s my 20th anniversary

Posted on 30. May, 2007 by kchristieh in my life, parenting

Today’s our 20th wedding anniversary. That’s a long time! My mom says it makes her feel really old. She’s not that old, however, as she was my age (44) when I got married. As the parent of mere teenagers, I can’t even imagine what it would be like right now to have one of my children get married. It boggles the mind. I haven’t even dealt with their first driver’s license yet.

In honor of the occasion, here’s a scan of our official wedding party photo. We were so young that some of our siblings were too young to be in the wedding party! Please excuse the shimmery pink dresses – there weren’t many choices that year. Even at the time I knew they were over the top, and hopefully my bridesmaids have all forgiven me.

Although we lived in Los Angeles, we were married at the church I grew up in, First Presbyterian Church at Red Bank (Tower Hill) in Red Bank, NJ. It was 104 degrees that day, and the church wasn’t air conditioned. It was so hot that my sister fainted during the ceremony.

We had a great reception. The band played Springsteen’s “Jersey Girl” (with slightly altered lyrics) for our first song, and everyone danced to “Tequila” a la PeeWee Herman. (It was 1987, after all.) We’d forgotten to book a getaway car, so we borrowed my sister’s dumpy little Saab. I barely fit my wedding gown into the car! Our honeymoon in Tahiti was fantastic, and all snorkelling since has paled in comparison.

I no longer have my wedding gown. My sister cut the lace sleeves off and wore it for her wedding, and eventually a friend of my mother’s cut it up and made it into christening gowns for babies. She made a nice little purse for me, which I plan on letting my daughter and daughter-in-law use as something “borrowed” on their wedding days. My daughter is quite relieved, as she said she has no interest in wearing a borrowed 1980’s dress. I told her I knew that from the day she was born.

It’s been a fine 20 years, and we look forward to many more. 

Of the 12 (!) people in our wedding party, only one was already married. Nine more eventually got married, and three of them eventually divorced. Those are probably typical statistics, I’m afraid.

On a more positive note, I don’t think I ever noticed what a diverse wedding party we had. One Asian, one African-American, two Hispanics, three Jews, and five non-Hispanic or Jewish Whites. But we didn’t choose them for race: we chose them for coolness!!!

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