Top 10 Lessons Learned from nearly 14 years as a Soccer Mom

Posted on 22. Feb, 2010 by kchristieh in life lessons, parenting, sports

When I registered my preschoolers for soccer in the Fall of 1996, I never imagined that I’d be a soccer mom until 2010. My soccer-viewing days ended last Friday when my daughter’s high school team lost in the first round of CIF playoffs. Our soccer experience was sometimes rewarding, and sometimes frustrating, but always an adventure.

Along the way, I learned or confirmed the following lessons:

1. Don’t become the frog in boiling water. If someone had told us how much club soccer would impact our family, we may not have chosen to do it. Instead, the warm water just got hotter and hotter.
2. Find your niche. I had no interest in being a referee, but I loved making AYSO team banners.
3. Even though it’s hard to make a banner of a hyena, whatever you design will be ok since no one’s sure what a hyena looks like. Use lots of fur. Best mascot ever.
4. Don’t question the refs. They’re trying hard, and they’re no more perfect than anyone else. Complaining won’t change the call, and it’ll just make things stressful.
5. Expect little, so you won’t be disappointed.
6. Get a chair with a built-in umbrella.
7. Kids don’t need snacks at the end of the game. But they like them as long as they’re not healthy.
8. Always carry a blanket, extra water and a first-aid kit in the car.
9. Bad coaches don’t get better.
10. Sports aren’t as enjoyable when winning becomes more important than having a good time.

My daughter says that she learned:

1. You should always work really hard, but
2. Hard work won’t always pay off, but
3. It’s worth it when you love the sport.
4. How to get along with all sorts of people.
5. How to deal with all sorts of coaches, which has helped her to adapt to different teachers, and some day, bosses.
6. How to be a team player.

Those are good lessons.

Would I do it over again? Only if the kids wanted to. They probably would.

The luckiest person in La Canada

Posted on 28. Dec, 2009 by kchristieh in life lessons

One of my loyal blog readers sent me these pictures from a recent accident involving a local young man. He’s lucky to have walked away from this unscathed. Don’t text or fiddle around with your iPod when you drive, or this might happen to you. And you might not be so lucky.

I made sure to show these to my teens. Better to learn a lesson from someone else than to experience it on your own.

Click here to see sobering statistics regarding cellphone use and car accidents.

I use my cellphone in my Prius, but I never touch it since the Bluetooth is built into the display on the dash. In fact, the phone itself is usually in my purse in on the floor behind my seat. To make a phone call, I press a button on the steering wheel and then one button on the dash. It’s easier than turning the radio to another station. When I first got a cellphone, I’d hold it to my ear in the car. I would throw it onto the seat next to me if things got complicated with driving. Thankfully nothing bad ever happened. If I ever held my cellphone to my ear while driving now, I’d feel as vulnerable as if I rode without a seatbelt. And, I’d be breaking the law.

Lessons I never thought I’d need to teach my teens

Posted on 16. Dec, 2009 by kchristieh in life lessons, parenting

When I became a parent, I knew we’d have talks about s*x, drugs, working hard, etc. But here are a few things I’ve felt compelled to teach my teens that I never expected we’d discuss, or discuss so soon. Most have come up either because of stories we’ve heard, movies we’ve seen or articles I’ve read. I’ve repeated each of the following many times to my kids, and hope that they don’t have to experience these situations to realize the wisdom of my words.

Parties & Drinking:

• If someone passes out at a party, they’re asleep if you can rouse them and they can talk, but they’re unconscious if they can’t talk.
  • If they’re asleep, summon an adult and keep making sure you can wake them and that they’re sleeping on their side in case they throw up.
  • If they’re unconscious, call 911. (or this might happen)
• Don’t attend parties that don’t have adult supervision.
• If you’re at a party and your intuition is telling you that things are going downhill, get out fast.
• Always respectfully do what a police officer or Sheriff’s deputy asks.

Drugs:

• Marijuana can be laced with more deadly drugs.
• You can become addicted to meth the first time you use it. So don’t.

S*x:

• Besides potential pregnancy and emotional and reputation fallout, a big reason to avoid s*x outside of marriage is STDs.
• Condoms don’t always work, and oral contraceptives won’t prevent STDs.

Technology:

• Don’t let any pictures be taken of yourself that you’d be ashamed of showing up in public.
• Don’t join a Facebook group or friend someone just because all your friends have.
• Don’t let kids you don’t completely trust handle your cellphone.

Media:

• Can you imagine discussing Viagra or Monica Lewinsky with an elementary schooler? If your kids watch tv, you’ll have discussions about topics such as these. Just wait until you’re sitting on the couch next to them when a love scene in a movie comes on. Awkward!

P**n: (note: using ** so I don’t get banned by search engines)

• Even one look at p**n can embed an image you’ll always remember, so don’t look at it.
• Figure out what you’ll say if you’re at someone’s house and they start looking at or watching p**n.
• Today’s p**n is often much skankier than the stuff that was in magazines many years ago since pictures and videos don’t usually pass through editors before they’re posted on the internet.

Driving:

• Always look up Angeles Crest Highway before you turn onto it or cross it.
• If you don’t come to such a complete stop that the body of the car doesn’t back up a little bit, the local Sheriff’s deputies may give you a ticket. Better to do it and avoid traffic school.
• It doesn’t matter if “everyone else” is driving other kids before their first year of California driving is up: it’s illegal, there’s a good reason it’s illegal, and you’ll lose many privileges if you either drive someone else when you’re too young or you drive with someone else who isn’t old enough to drive you.
• Don’t let anyone into your car whom you think might have drugs on them, since they could leave the drugs in your car and you could get into trouble.
• Motorcycles are dangerous. Even if you are the safest driver with the safest bike, you’ve only got two wheels and can skid out if someone else cuts you off. Then, you’re completely vulnerable.

Weapons:

• If a kid shows you a gun and you’re not under competent adult supervision, get away as quickly as possible and tell an adult.
• If someone even jokes about shooting someone, take it seriously and report it.

Emotions:

• Any time someone talks about suicide, take it seriously.
• If someone breaks up with you, then they don’t value you enough, so you shouldn’t pine over them. (That’s a tough one.)

Forgiveness:

• Gossip hurts.
• It’s better if you come to me and let me know you messed up than for me to find out later or for the mess to get bigger.
• “Sorry” means you’re never going to do it again.
• Don’t follow “sorry” with “But.”
• Forgive others just as you wish to be forgiven.

I’m sure I’m missing some, and I welcome your suggestions.

The best Red Ribbon Week posters

Posted on 18. Nov, 2009 by kchristieh in education, life lessons, parenting

One of my goals this year as PTSA President is to make Red Ribbon Week more meaningful. It’s tough to communicate an anti-drug, anti-drinking message to cynical high school kids, especially when so many of them have already experimented with these substances.

Anne Tryba saved the day. She volunteered to be the Red Ribbon Week Chair about a month before it took place, and not only managed to stage an essay contest that garnered nearly 200 entries, but she created the following four posters. These aren’t of the mere “Just say no” variety. I think they’re very effective at shocking kids to take a second look at the consequences of their decisions.

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What I learned when my son broke his leg

Posted on 06. Nov, 2009 by kchristieh in health, life lessons, my life, parenting, social networking, sports

It’s been tough to keep up with my goal of daily blog posting lately. Clients, volunteer positions, and a child applying to college have taken a higher priority. As if that wasn’t enough, this past Friday night my son fractured his tibia and dislocated his kneecap in a high school football game. He had surgery the next day, and we spent two nights in the hospital. Since then, I’ve been his personal nurse, helping him move his whole-leg cast when he gets up or down from a sitting or sleeping position, refilling his water bottle, and making him caprese sandwiches.

Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned this week:

• Every hospital patient needs an advocate. My son entered the emergency room in utter pain, and after 10 minutes of waiting we were told it would be another 20 minutes before a triage nurse would see him. It was only when I whipped out my purse supply of Tylenol and with tears in my eyes asked how much to give him that they finally talked to him. Likewise, after his surgery, the nurses who attended to him were very kind, but needed reminding that 40 minutes before they’d promised more pain medication or help with something important. I’m glad I was there for him.
• Keep your situation in perspective. I felt and feel awful for my son, but his situation could be far worse. I said lots of prayers for people in the hospital that were in worse shape than my son.
• You can’t wash your hands too much. I treated every surface in that hospital as if it was coated with the plague. Time will tell if I was successful in avoiding illness, but I’m glad I was careful.
• Hospital food can be good. The food at our hospital cafeteria was excellent and cheap. I should eat lunch there with friends. Except for my previous point about hospital germs.
• When you need to go rescue your child who’s broken a bone, if possible, take an extra two minutes and bring: magazines, water bottles, a phone charger, a jacket, and socks. You’ll be so glad you did when you’re at the hospital overnight or for hours on end. (This was my son’s 4th bone break, so I learned this awhile ago.)
• Guard your time at the hospital and afterwards. It was good that everyone didn’t visit the hospital, since each visit was both exhilarating and tiring, and at one point I told some people that instead of talking on the phone and bothering my son, that it would be better to text. I also made sure to turn both our phones off at night.
• You never know when your child will play his last game. I didn’t attend Friday night’s game; my daughter had come home sick that afternoon, so I chose to stay home with her. My husband and I actually looked at each other and said, “There’s no way he’ll get hurt, right? He’s the kicker.” Hahaha. In retrospect, it’s just as well I wasn’t there, as it would have been torture to watch him lie on the field for so long with no power to do anything. But after 12 years of organized sports, this may wind up being the last game he plays in until he plays intramurals in college.
• Aerobeds are amazing. I’m sleeping on one next to my son’s bed in case he needs to get up in the middle of the night or needs more pain medication. I’m sleeping like a log on that thing. Note: this is just true for the actual Aerobed brand. I haven’t been so happy with other air mattresses.
• I can mention this one since my son won’t read this: if your child is asleep next to you and it’s dark and you’re bored, copy cell phone numbers of their closest friends onto your cell phone. You never know when you’ll need them.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help. When I posted on Facebook that I was looking for a bed tray my son could use to eat his meals and do homework, two showed up on my doorstep the next morning. Ditto for needing some concrete blocks to keep the dog in. One of my Facebook friends was going to the hardware store anyway, so she saved me a trip that would take me away from my son. And the food people have brought us has saved many nights of frozen pizza. And my son appreciates the cards and gifts people have brought.
• I live in a great community. People care, and back it up with action. I’m very, very, very fortunate to live here and have such wonderful friends.  :)

Why are Costa Ricans so happy?

Posted on 07. Aug, 2009 by kchristieh in animals, inspirational people, international, life lessons, startling statistics, travel

When I left for my week-long vacation in Costa Rica, I figured I’d come back with photos of monkeys, a few bug bites and a deeper tan. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I didn’t see a single monkey, get bitten by a single bug, or darken my skin by even one pixel. Instead, I returned home pondering the meaning of happiness and our place in the world’s ecological and economic crises.

The Happiness Question arose because before I left, I read an article about how Costa Rica was ranked highest on an international survey of happiness. How could a country be so happy when it contains so many squalid, makeshift shacks? Or when it has so much barbed wire and so many bars on the windows? Am I so materialistic that I can’t imagine being so poor and so happy, or were the people that live in those shacks not surveyed? Does the barbed wire exist out of fear, or out of a desire to protect what’s dear?

My daughter, who studied Spanish, Costa Rican history and ecology for the past month in San Jose, says that the reason that Costa Ricans call themselves “Ticos” is that it’s short for simpatico, which means “kind.” Between that and the Costa Rican motto, pura vida (which translates to “pure life”), it appears that the country tries hard to put a positive spin on things. My daughter also says that Costa Ricans are very proud of their beautiful country and their gracious countrymen. And who can blame them? Over 60 years ago, they abolished their military, and devoted their money and effort into security, education, and culture. This stable nation is home to five percent of all known animals on this planet, and has become a world-renowned ecotourism destination. And I will attest to the fact that every single person we met there was incredibly helpful and friendly.

When I returned home, I grabbed off my bookshelf to see if Costa Rica was listed as one of the happiest places that the author chose to visit. It wasn’t. So I went back and looked at the article again, and saw that the survey compared nations based upon their populations’ life expectancies, life satisfaction, and ecological footprint. Costa Rica definitely scored high for ecological footprint, considering its conservation efforts and the fact that people living in shacks don’t use many resources.

I doubt that our country could ever match Costa Rica’s ecological footprint. We’d need to severely limit our material consumption to do so, and I don’t think that on average we have the willpower to do so. And if we did, I doubt we’d be very happy about it.

That’s depressing.

When life stinks, here’s a reminder that it could be worse

Posted on 17. Mar, 2009 by kchristieh in cool websites, life lessons

Just as there’s always someone prettier, smarter and richer than us, there are also people who don’t have it as good as we do.

When you’re feeling low, visit F*** My Life: Your everyday life stories. People enter their tales of woe, and others vote on whether the person’s life stinks or whether they got what they deserved. Here are a few recent examples:

• Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance. It’s one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I’m waiting in his driveway with balloons I see his car reverse and go the other direction. FML
  #415998 (83) – 03/17/2009 at 4:44pm by SmileEveryday – misc – I agree, your life is f***ed (19782) – you deserved that one (3262
• Today, I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I called all my family members to invite them over this evening because I had some very important news for them that could not wait. They all declined the invite. When I asked why, they said they were going to my cousins to watch his new TV. FML
  #406352 (106) – 03/17/2009 at 1:47am by Mikey – health – I agree, your life is f***ed (44821) – you deserved that one (1066)
• Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick’s day. Turns out it was my grandmother’s wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML
  #379533 (106) – 03/16/2009 at 1:29pm by Noname – misc – I agree, your life is f***ed (8120) – you deserved that one (47295)

I don’t wish these things on anyone, but it can be therapeutic to read them. I learned about this from my teenagers, who promise they skip over the skankier ones. Though I have to admit, even the skankier ones mostly wind up warning people from doing those skanky things.

Every driver needs this in their car in case of an accident

Posted on 26. Feb, 2009 by kchristieh in life lessons, my life, parenting, shopping

Every driver needs a in their car. Period. This compact zippered case holds insurance and DMV information, a disposable camera, a pen, a clipboard and a checklist that details what to do in case of an accident.

I purchased one for my daughter last summer when she got her first car. I am so glad I did, for this evening she was in an accident and says that having this kit allowed her to stay focused and do what needed to be done.

Thank God she’s alright. That’s by far what’s most important. I partially credit this kit for keeping her ok after the accident, because she was able to maintain her wits about her and drive home. If she’d been too flustered trying to figure out what to do, she might not have been able to do that.

By the way, I bought a kit for myself last summer. Having everything in one place keeps my glove compartment more organized, and now it gives me a little more peace of mind that this truly does help in an emergency.

I purchased my kit at The Container Store, but I’ve also seen them at Target. You can also purchase them from several vendors on and other online stores. It might be the best $14.95 you ever spend.

Two of my mom’s friends from Escondido turned 104 today

Posted on 24. Jan, 2009 by kchristieh in inspirational people, life lessons, quotes

Happy 104th Birthday to Doris Heard and Stephanie McGraw. These two energetic Escondido, CA residents turned 104 today. My mom took this wonderful picture of them last year:

A recent North County Times article says that Doris, pictured on the left, was going to celebrate her birthday today with five generations of her family. She’s still quite active, and drives herself to the store and other errands three times a week. She participates in various philanthropic groups, and loves to attend Padres games. She’s a perennial parade grand marshal in Escondido, and often steals the thunder from younger participants. Click to see an article from the March 17, 1949 Vista Press that mentions that Doris was a hostess at a meeting of the Acacia Shrine of the Order of the White Shrine of Jerusalem. (see page 3)

Stephanie is a former Hollywood hairstylist. She helped enhance the beauty of such starlets as and Marilyn Monroe. When she was 101, she was named an honorary lifetime member of her local country club. Their said she “participates when she isn’t busy tending her 3 acre orchard or sewing or re-decorating her house.” Stephanie also started painting portraits when she was 89. She even has a “money back guarantee” and won’t accept payment unless you like the painting. Click here to see some wonderful pictures that photographer Dan Clement took of her.

Doris had some great quotes for the North County Times:

“Eat good food, keep your body well and keep busy,” she said about her secret to a long life. “Keep up with the times. Don’t sit down in a rocking chair, and keep active.”

“I have seen yesterday, I love today, and I look forward to tomorrow. I have plans up to next year.”

Good for her – and Stephanie!! May we all be blessed to live such long and vibrant lives!!

Reason #1 not to get a vanity license plate

Posted on 16. Jan, 2009 by kchristieh in life lessons

For the first time in the nearly nine years that I’ve lived in my current house, I veered to the right side of the road coming down my street tonight because a car coming toward me was crossing the yellow line. I commented to my kids that I thought the person might be drunk, so I just wanted to be safe.When the car passed us, my daughter and I immediately recognized its personalized license plate.

So, don’t get a vanity plate if you plan on misbehaving in a small town. Or better yet, don’t misbehave.

(To be fair, perhaps they weren’t misbehaving. Maybe they were changing the buttons on the radio dial and got distracted. Doesn’t matter: I’m not mentioning the name.)

“Gone Baby Gone” asks whether ends justify means

Posted on 24. Aug, 2008 by kchristieh in life lessons, movies

I’ve never seen a movie that shows that life’s choices aren’t always black and white as well as “Gone Baby Gone” does. Characters are forced to make decisions that are right by some measures, but wrong by others. Where they fall on the spectrum of grey depends upon each person’s perspective. The characters also need to decide if they ends justify the means.
I know that’s vague, but I don’t want to spoil the plot. Just trust me: Casey Affleck, Morgan Freeman, Michelle Monaghan, Ed Harris and the rest of the cast do an excellent job of portraying what happens in the aftermath of a little girl’s kidnapping. It’s disturbing, but very thought-provoking. Watch it and decide what you’d do in each circumstance. It’s clear, and yet it’s not.

By my age, I’ve learned that life isn’t always clear. You just have to try to keep your motives good, and be courageous enough to make tough decisions. And be willing to ask for forgiveness when you mess up. We’re not perfect, and the world isn’t either.

How to avoid getting robbed like my parents did

Posted on 10. Jul, 2008 by kchristieh in life lessons

My mother and stepfather recently returned from a vacation only to discover that they’d been robbed. Thankfully, my mom had been careful to hide some things before she left, so the thieves didn’t get too much. Still, they got enough, and the incident was a wake up call to me to make sure I take precautions before my next trip. After talking to her and scouring the internet, here’s my checklist of what to do before my next vacation. (Note: some of these are good things to do on a regular basis.)

• Back up the computer and hide the backup drive.
• Hide the following: jewelry, extra keys.
• When you move to a new house, change the locks.
• Lock the garage, and the bicycles and cars in it.
• Lock all doors and windows.
• Stop the mail and newspapers, or ask a neighbor to collect your mail and newspapers and keep an eye on the house.
• Put a few lights on timers.

Here are some other things I do before I leave on vacation. There are many more things that some people do – shut off the water, unplug all appliances – but I’m never gone long enough to justify those. Also, I live in a warm part of the country and am not concerned about my pipes freezing.

• Shut off air conditioning / heat.
• Remove perishables from the refrigerator, take out the trash and run the dishwasher.
• Take the dog to the kennel, since she can’t use a can opener or open the door by herself.

I wish I’d heard JK Rowling speak at Harvard

Posted on 07. Jun, 2008 by kchristieh in books, education, inspirational people, life lessons, quotes

Although I’m glad we arrived late Thursday for my husband’s 25th Harvard reunion, I would have enjoyed hearing Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling’s commencement speech earlier in the day. Her speech, which can be found on npr.org, focused on two themes: failure and imagination. She said that she always feared failure, but once she failed and realized she survived, she appreciated the lessons she learned from it.

I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies.

I totally agree. I haven’t experienced total failure in my life, but I’ve definitely had setbacks. They’re never as bad as I’d feared, and I usually learn something from them. Failure also sometimes gets me off a treadmill and encourages me to try another path that is often better suited for me.

I also liked this quote from her speech:

There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you.

That reminds me of someone I know who still blames her parents for all her ills…even though it’s been over 50 years since she was a child. There’s a point where you need to take responsibility for your own life. I’m not sure that the age is 16 (when kids get their driver’s licenses in California), but perhaps it is. Hmmm.
As for imagination,

If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped transform for the better. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.

Amen. Hopefully the grads will heed that advice!

If you could have a new life, would you?

Posted on 24. Mar, 2008 by kchristieh in life lessons

Ian Usher’s sick of his life. He misses his wife of 12 years, and everything around him reminds him of happier times. Instead of ending his life, he’s decided to sell it. That’s right: you can buy his house, his furnishings, and his motorbike. The buyer will have the opportunity to interview for his job and hang out with his friends.

When I say everything is included in the sale I mean EVERYTHING is included! Upon completion and settlement I will walk out of my home for the last time in just the clothes I am wearing, and carrying only my wallet and passport.

My current thoughts are to then head to the airport, and ask at the flight desk where the next flight with an available seat goes to, and to get on that and see where life takes me from there!

I wish him the best, and I’m glad he’s not doing something more drastic like committing suicide. But I’m concerned for Ian: if he’s willing to ditch the life he’s made for himself, will the next one he creates be much better? He sounds very rational on his website, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s taken the time to do some self-introspection and figure out if there’s anything he can do to make his next life better.

This reminds me of a story I once heard:

A couple asked their pastor if they’d be happy in their new house. “Do you like your current neighbors and do you have friends here?” he asked. “Yes, we do, and we’ll miss them a lot,” they replied. “Then I’m sure you’ll like your new home.”

Another couple asked the pastor the same question, and he asked them about their current life. “We don’t like our neighbors, and we’ve had a hard time making friends in this town,” they responded. “Then I don’t think you’ll like where you’re moving,” he said.

It’s easy to blame our circumstances on external influences, but usually we should be looking at our own actions and attitudes when examining our lives. Of course, there are bad and good things that can happen to anyone. But the key is usually how we deal with it.

My father-in-law’s about to leave the house he’s lived in for 40 years. It’s full of memories of his wife, who passed away two years ago, and his children, who all live in different states. He’s facing tough choices about what to sell and what to keep. Whatever he does with his material possessions, he’ll still have the love of his family and friends. And after all, that’s what’s important.

Tivo this: “Oprah’s Big Give”

Posted on 03. Mar, 2008 by kchristieh in life lessons, non-profits, tv

Leave it to Oprah to put a fresh and positive spin on reality TV. The kids and I watched the premiere of “Oprah’s Big Give” last night and we’re hooked.

Oprah chose 10 people to compete to most effectively give away money each week. The contestants are all quite impressive. They’ve each got lots of energy and a big heart for helping those in need.

On the first show, the contestants were divided up into five teams. Each team was given $2,500 and the name of someone who needed their help. They were evaluated on the basis of how much of a positive impact they were able to make on the person’s life within a week.

Each team did a great job of using their $2,500 as seed money to generate more money and other important things. I won’t give it away in case you didn’t watch it, but I will say that the sincerity and energy that everyone threw into their challenges was inspirational.

It was great to see something so positive on television, and hopefully it inspired my kids as much as it inspired me.

You can see “Oprah’s Big Give” online at ABC.com.

Before you eat that, read this

Posted on 10. Feb, 2008 by kchristieh in food, health, life lessons

Whenever I’m getting lax about what I eat, and start gaining weight back, I should read Gary Taubes’ PBS interview. Taubes, the author of “,” explains why a lower carbohydrate diet is healthier and more effective for weight loss than a low fat diet. If that’s not enough, read Taubes’ 2002 NY Times article, “What if It’s All Been a Big Fat Lie?”

It worked for him, and it worked for me. I just need to be reminded why every once in awhile.

I’d like to wrap the world in bubble wrap

Posted on 01. Feb, 2008 by kchristieh in life lessons, my life, parenting, religion

Sometimes I feel like Rat does in this Pearls Before Swine cartoon:

Each time my son’s broken his arm, I’ve wished he’d been wrapped in bubble wrap. When my daughter got her learner’s permit, I wished the whole car was wrapped in it.

Life’s not like that, however. We need to be able to admit that we can’t control everything in our lives, and that bad things will happen. I still wish they didn’t, of course. But if I don’t cede control, I’ll die of stress.

Maybe we all need to be like Pig, and make the best of things.

I feel like I’m writing the !

What I remember since a year ago today

Posted on 25. Oct, 2007 by kchristieh in life lessons, my life

One of my father’s favorite expressions is, “You learn something new every day.” I agree with him, but thought I’d put it to the test anyway. So a year ago today I started a feature on this blog called, “Memorable Lesson Learned Today.”

My dad’s right. We do learn something new each day, but only if we’re open to it. We need to retain our curiosity and sense of wonder at the world around us. Without it, life would be boring, and being bored is a waste of time.

So check it out. Some of the things I’ve learned have been obscure, some have been personal, and some I’ve had to keep vague in order to protect the people I love. But I have indeed learned something new each day for the last year, and plan on doing so for many more years.

If I get half the eulogy I heard today

Posted on 02. Oct, 2007 by kchristieh in inspirational people, life lessons

Here are some components of the amazing eulogy I heard today:

• Love. Unconditional love. Nothing matches it. It shines through.
• Stories. Some funny, some painful, but all helped us to know her better.
• Honesty. We’re all human, but that’s ok. We don’t need to pretend that the dead were saints. Being honest made everything more believable.
• Composure. It’s hard to say goodbye to the person you love most in the world. But if you can hold it together long enough, you can spread that person’s blessings to everyone in the congregation.

If my kids eulogize me even half as well as what I heard today, I’ll be thrilled. Then again, I’ll be dead, and won’t know it. If only everyone were blessed by someone who loved them as much as my friend loved her mom.

Wealth is relative

Posted on 05. Sep, 2007 by kchristieh in articles, international, life lessons, startling statistics

When I was young, my parents always chose to live in towns with great school districts. That sometimes meant that we lived in one of the smallest houses in a wealthy town. When we lived in , we even lived on the town’s last unpaved street. Thankfully, my parents taught me to appreciate what I had, and not to be jealous of others. That came in handy when my classmates would go to Hilton Head for spring break and I’d go to the local library.

I think that most people judge how wealthy they are by what others around them have. The New York Times ran an article recently titled In Silicon Valley, Millionaires Who Don’t Feel Rich* that featured stories of people who have amassed millions of dollars but keep working hard because they don’t feel they have enough.

Mr. Kremen estimated his net worth at $10 million. That puts him firmly in the top half of 1 percent among Americans, according to wealth data from the Federal Reserve, but barely in the top echelons in affluent towns like Palo Alto, Menlo Park and Atherton. So he logs 60- to 80-hour workweeks because, he said, he does not think he has nearly enough money to ease up.

“You’re nobody here at $10 million,” Mr. Kremen said earnestly over a glass of pinot noir at an upscale wine bar here.

I didn’t think the people in the story were whiny. They just have a skewed perspective on finances because they come into daily contact with some of our country’s wealthiest people. I’ve read other stories that have advised people to move to a place where they’ll be in the middle of the economic ladder, so they’ll be more satisfied with what they have.

Of course, we all know in our hearts that we shouldn’t judge ourselves or others by how much money they have. We should be grateful for what we have, and be sure to share our blessings.

But if you ever feel depressed about your net worth, check out Global Rich List. You may be surprised at how wealthy you are compared to the rest of the world.

* If you can’t access the article, you might be able to do so at Congoo.

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50 Things You Need to Know by 50

Posted on 08. Jun, 2007 by kchristieh in articles, life lessons, parenting

I’m not nearly 50 yet, but I think most of the tips on AARP’s list of the 50 Things You Need to Know by 50 apply to any age. Here are a few of my favorites:

• 2. How to Forgive
  (George Takei, Star Trek, Heroes)
  I grew up in U.S. internment camps during World War II. We were surrounded by barbed wire fences and machine guns. We took communal showers and meals, and a searchlight followed us on night runs to the latrine. After the war my mother and father couldn’t find housing, and I had a teacher who called me “little Jap boy.” That stung. But my parents taught me that being bitter only pickles the one that stews in the brine. Good advice. The bullies were the ones stewing in their own spite and ignorance. Once you realize that those who hurt you also hurt themselves, it is easier to forgive them. And that’s liberating.
• 26. Raise Teenagers
  (Henry Winkler, father of three)
  You know what I learned to do? I learned to shut up. I used to talk so much, thinking I was passing on these important lessons. I’d tell my son Max, “Sit down at your desk. You can’t stand and do homework. You can’t lie on your bed and do homework. You can’t listen to music and do homework.” But when I calmed down, the grades were there. He was standing at his desk, he was lying on his bed, he was listening to music, and he was thriving. I’d been giving him advice I’d heard all my life, but it turned out not to be true.
• 32. Don’t try to talk like a teen. By the time you understand their lingo, it won’t be cool anymore.
• 43. Make Friends Offer to drive people to the airport.

Is there a list of 16 Things You Need to Know by 16? I wish I had that for my kids.

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Pessimist Nation

Posted on 01. Jun, 2007 by kchristieh in articles, life lessons

John Gravois has written a follow-up story to his “Think Negative” story I blogged about recently. His original story assailed “The Secret” for its overemphasis on the power of optimism. He encouraged readers to write in to Slate with their stories about how pessimism saved the day, and said the stories would be passed on to Oprah to encourage her to have Karen Cerulo, who’s written about the importance of pessimism in , as a guest.

In “Pessimism Nation,” Gravois relates some of those stories:

We received a ton of e-mails like this one, from Lane: “Had I been of a more realistic mindset, I may not have assumed that I would be married forever (I wasn’t), that my husband would be faithful (he wasn’t), that he would pay his child support (he doesn’t), etc, etc, etc. Twenty years after getting married (and 5 after getting divorced), while not overly suspicious, I’m now always on the lookout for reality!”

He also received lots of letters from people reminding us of how we’re protected by behind-the-scenes pessimists:

Patti, an air-traffic controller, theorizes that only people in an affluent, technologically advanced society, packed with fail-safes and conveniences, could be so susceptible to The Secret’s brand of hubris. “Things usually work out for the best,” she writes, “but only because someone somewhere is working hard to make it so. In my profession as an air traffic controller this is true every day. You expect and prepare for the worst and use all of your skills to keep it from happening; but when the worst happens, those controllers that imagined dire scenarios and possible solutions perform better than those that did not.”

I’ve actually been thinking a lot about that since I originally posted about this. I’d go crazy if I thought of all the awful things that could happen tomorrow (cancer, terrorists, earthquakes, etc.), so I put it out of my mind. However, I need to make sure I’m always prepared for the worst case scenario. “Expect the best, prepare for the worst” best describes my motto. However, I’ll be the first to admit I’m not always perfectly prepared for the worst. Once again, the Serenity Prayer applies

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Hopefully Karen Cerulo will be on Oprah!

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Become an early bird

Posted on 25. May, 2007 by kchristieh in cool websites, life lessons, quotes, religion

ZenHabits has a great post today about the benefits of waking up early, and how to switch from being a night owl to being an early riser.

One of my favorite parts of his post is a quote from the Dalai Lama about how to approach the day. I’m Christian, not Buddhist, but I think these wise words could apply to everyone:

I love being able to get up, and greet a wonderful new day. I suggest creating a morning ritual that includes saying thanks for your blessings. I’m inspired by the Dalai Lama, who said, ”Everyday, think as you wake up, ‘today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can.’“

I think it’s important to appreciate the blessings you have, and to try to share those blessings with others. If we remind ourselves of that each day, we’ll be more likely to do it.

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Surefire Ways to Spot a Liar

Posted on 23. May, 2007 by kchristieh in articles, life lessons

I think I can usually detect when a person’s lying. Unfortunately, I don’t always know why I think they’re lying, and I usually don’t have proof that they are.

Here’s a recap from Reader’s Digest to help you determine when someone is lying. Some of it’s surprising, but most isn’t. Now, maybe my brain will be able to process what my intuition is telling it.

Hear the Voices: Look for changes in pitch, breath rate, and speed. Hesitation can often indicate lying.

Watch Those Words: Liars often use fewer first-person pronouns such as I and me. It’s a way for them to put separate themselves from their stories. For example, a liar would be more likely to say, “The check will be sent tomorrow,” instead of “I’ll send the check tomorrow.” Liars also use fewer exclusionary words such as but, nor, except, and whereas. Researchers say this is because they’re spending enough energy concentrating on the lie, and can’t also perform complex thinking.

Look Past Shifty Eyes to Body Language: Look at the whole body, in context. If someone looks away while concentrating, that’s ok, but if they look away when the answer should be easy, that’s bad. Also, look for changes in baseline behavior, for example talking too much or too little compared to usual, or a change in body posture or hand usage.

Check for Emotional Leaks: “Micro-expressions” can leak through, often lasting only a split second. Perhaps an odd smile, not a happy smile. These are hard to spot, even by pros.

Now to figure out how to deal with liars and prove they’re wrong!

Here’s the real Secret: we’re too Optimistic!

Posted on 20. May, 2007 by kchristieh in articles, books, environment, health, life lessons, politics, religion

I recently watched an Oprah show about Rhonda Byrne’s best-selling self-help book, . This book encourages readers to visualize success and channel the positive energy that comes from optimism. It’s like a for our times.

The testimonials on Oprah ranged from people who saved their marriages to a woman who decided to halt her breast cancer treatments. Watching the show made me feel like I was sitting in a tent at a revival meeting.

I can definitely see how important it is to be optimistic. If you don’t think you’ll be able to do something, you almost certainly won’t be able to. Optimism gives us hope, and it gives us the energy we need to move forward.

However, there’s a limit to the power of optimism. As hopeful as I’d want cancer patients to be, I wouldn’t want them to think that hope alone will solve their illnesses. And I don’t think the people of Darfur could surmount their troubles with The Secret alone.

In “Think Negative!“, Slate’s John Gravois says that our bigger problem may be that we’re TOO optimistic. He implores Oprah to invite Rutgers professor Karen Cerulo to her show.

Cerulo, a professor at Rutgers University, wrote a book last year called . In it, she argues that we are individually, institutionally, and societally hellbent on wishful thinking. The Secret tells us to visualize best-case scenarios and banish negative ones from our minds. Never Saw It Coming says that’s what we’ve been doing all along—and we get blindsided by even the most foreseeable disasters because of it.

In her research, Cerulo found that when most of us look out at the world and plan for our future, we fuzz out our vision of any failure, fluke, disease, or disaster on the horizon. Instead, we focus on an ideal future, we burnish our best memories, and, well, we watch a lot of your show. Meanwhile, we’re inarticulate about worst-case scenarios. Just thinking about them makes us nervous and uncomfortable.

I totally agree. It’s depressing to think of worst-case scenarios, and since most Americans reading this probably haven’t personally faced many of them so far in their lives, we don’t see a pressing need to start thinking negatively now. But perhaps we should…Read my previous post: clearly, many couples who are optimistic that they won’t become pregnant do, and wind up having abortions. Many people don’t wear sunscreen, or drive drunk. Our fearless leader himself continues to be optimistic that we’re still on track to win the war in Iraq. Worst of all, our planet’s balanced ecosystem is declining fast, and we’re not doing nearly enough to save it.

Gravois encourages readers to join his petition to get Oprah to invite Cerulo to speak. I will. Our personal futures as well as the futures of others not only depend upon hope, but upon a realistic outlook that encourages us to prepare for the worst so that we can successfully deal with it if (or when) it comes. Here’s how to participate in Gravois’ campaign:

Has a healthy dose of pessimism improved your life? Has envisioning the worst ever helped you to avoid a disaster? Or has an overly rosy outlook left you blindsided by calamity? We’ll append your anecdotes to this letter, and send the whole package to Oprah. Write us at

A letter to Future Me

Posted on 16. May, 2007 by kchristieh in cool websites, life lessons, my life

I spent a few minutes today writing a letter to my future self, to be emailed to me on my 50th birthday. I did it at FutureMe.org. This free, easy-to-use website allows you to send an email to yourself and choose a delivery date from 30 days in the future to whenever you’re optimistic you’ll still get it.

You can choose whether your email is private or public. If it’s public, your name and email address won’t be shown. I chose to keep mine private, since I mention the names of loved ones, but I must admit that the public ones are fascinating. Many deal with the uncertainty of human relationships, and some are so pathetic that I wish I could hunt the author down and hug them.

Here are some of my favorite excerpts from public letters:

• Do I still hate you? Do you still hate me? Isn’t it time we made up?
• It’s graduating day. Your last chance. Make sure to make the best of the day… Get the phone numbers and emails and stuff from as many people as you can…
• Your husband is adorable and only 25, but isn’t very turned on by the thinner you. You spend more money than you make and still have nothing to show for it. I hope when this email is delivered, you have something to be proud of.
• If 3 cities on list have not been visited, close email and buy plane ticket(s) immediately.
• If I am not speaking to you in five minutes time it means that my experiment has failed. What I would like you to do is build a time machine and travel back to Bristol 30th March 2006 14:33 pm and track me down. I would then like you to inform me of what mistakes I made between now and your time and how I can avoid making them.

I like the last one the best. Instead of just writing to the future, I wish I could write Past Me and advise myself when to take the other fork in the road.

I won’t reveal all that I said in my letter, but I did encourage Future Me to have a big piece of pie with mint chocolate chip ice cream for my 50th birthday. You only live once, after all!

What is wisdom?

Posted on 06. May, 2007 by kchristieh in articles, health, life lessons

“What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness?”
- Jean Jacques Rousseau

I’ve always considered wisdom to be a step above knowledge, an attribute that helps a person use all that they know to make a correct decision for a given situation.

Today’s NYTimes magazine has a great article about wisdom research titled “The Older–and–Wiser Hypothesis.” There are many definitions of wisdom, but most researchers agree that “resilience, positivity, expert knowledge systems, cognitive processing and especially the regulation of emotion” are crucial to wisdom. Other components include the ability to look at a problem relativistically, and also compassion for others.

Indeed, a general thread running through modern wisdom research is that wise people tend to be humble and “other-centered” as opposed to self-centered.

Not surprisingly, Gandhi topped a survey several years ago when people were asked to name wise people.

Researchers found that one’s attitude may affect one’s lifespan:

This “positivity” effect may even have long-term health consequences. Although the findings haven’t been peer-reviewed or published, Carstensen said preliminary results from the small sample in the ongoing “beeper” experiment indicate that people who didn’t regulate their emotions well as adults and were relatively more negative at the start of the study “were more likely to be dead” 10 years later, independent of their health status at the beginning of the experiment.

Makes sense…if you’re not positive, you’re probably not enjoying your life much anyway.

The magazine has an online quiz you can take to see how wise you are. But don’t forget what Gandhi said:

It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom.

To thine own self be true, and just deal with it.

Posted on 08. Apr, 2007 by kchristieh in life lessons, quotes

Today’s quotes:

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of somebody else.

- Judy Garland

Also:

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.

- Maya Angelou

Sounds like the Serenity Prayer.

Does Bush really want to revoke the 22nd amendment?

Posted on 06. Apr, 2007 by kchristieh in articles, life lessons, parenting, politics

Besides “You learn something new every day,” my father often says, “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” Today he proved what’s probably a corollary of that theory: “If it sounds too strange to be true, it probably is.”

He had enough healthy skepticism to ask me to use my NYTimes online subscription to research the veracity of what he’d heard on a talk radio program:

The New York Times published an article in which Dick Cheney gave a speech saying that President Bush is looking into a way to suspend the 22nd amendment to the Constitition, which limits a President to two terms. His reasoning would be that because we are in a worldwide terrorism crisis, he should be allowed to seek a third term.

What a wise father I have! This is FALSE!! I searched the NYTimes website high and low, and found no reference to this supposed article. However, I easily found it by searching Google. It’s a very sophisticated April Fool’s joke. You can see the article at http://www.newyourketimes.com/content/article76649.html. Once you click there, note the following:

• The article was “published” on April 1, 2007.
• The url isn’t nytimes.com: it’s newyourketimes.com.
• The links on the site actually do link to the real nytimes.com site.

I made sure to show this to my kids, and pointed out how careful they should be when they do research on the internet.

Too bad the talk radio commentator wasn’t as careful! There are probably lots of scared Democrats out there right now!! (And probably some scared Republicans, too!!)

 

Heart attack symptoms

Posted on 28. Mar, 2007 by kchristieh in feminism, health, life lessons

If I don’t post this, I’ll feel incredibly guilty if anyone reading this blog dies unnecessarily of a heart attack, especially after the previous post:

As the American Heart Association notes:

“As with men, women’s most common heart attack symptom is chest pain or discomfort. But women are somewhat more likely than men to experience some of the other common symptoms, particularly shortness of breath, nausea/vomiting, and back or jaw pain.” Source