Learn how to cut through social media clutter

Posted on 18. Feb, 2010 by kchristieh in social networking

My friend/client Stephanie Michele of SocialBling is putting on a “Communications, Relations and Social Media Frustrations Seminar” this coming Tuesday, February 24th at the Flintridge Bookstore & Coffeehouse. It’s a two-part series that will help you to get answers to questions like:

• What is social media?
• Why should I use social networking sites?
• What is the difference  between LinkedIn, Facebook and twitter?
• What secret tips am I not aware of?

Here’s more information from her blog:

FOCUS TOPICS:

• February: Goal Setting and How to use Social Media to Achieve Goals.
• March: Measuring Your Results against Time You are Spending Online.

WHEN: Last Tuesday and Thursday Night of the Month 6 pm -8:30 pm

DATES AND LOCATIONS:

• Tuesday February 23rd & March 23rd – Flintridge Bookstore & Coffeehouse, 964 Foothill Blvd 91011
• Thursday February 25th & March 25th -Los Angeles Meeting Center, 10601 W. Washington Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90232

COST: $115 per night Register Here.

NOTE: Focus topic will be the first 45 minutes of presentation, the remaining time will be used for hands-on demonstrations and open Q & A. Bring your laptop to access free Wi-Fi  and work along with instructor. When you pre-register, you will be able to submit your social media questions and concerns to ensure it will be covered in the open demonstration/Q&A at the seminar you attend.

SPACE IS LIMITED, ADVANCED SIGN UP IS ENCOURAGED.

Taught by Social Media Strategist, Connection Artist and Founder of SocialBling.com, Stephanie Michele. Stephanie Michele has been managing social networking plans for companies and individual for over 10 years, even before online social tools existed.  She cuts through the confusing jargon associated with social media and teaches people how they can use the tools to benefit their unique goals. Stephanie teaches best practices in popular social networks such as LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter. Her methods are fun, encouraging and practical. In 2009, she formed SocialBling.com under the premise, if today’s social tools allow us to connect with anyone and everyone then why not set goals and connect with exactly who you need to meet and know to make those goals happen. To learn more about Stephanie visit LinkedIn for references:

How do I communicate with you? Let me count the ways…

Posted on 04. Feb, 2010 by kchristieh in social networking

It’s ironic that what is meant to make our lives simpler often complicates them.

Even though new technologies have given us more effective means of communicating, my communications are complicated by the fact that I have to keep track of how all the different people in my life prefer to communicate. Here’s a short version of the list I maintain in my brain:

• Son: Facebook, text messaging
• Daughter: Facebook, email, text messaging
• Husband: Facebook, email, call work phone not cell phone
• Mother: Email, home phone, some Facebook
• Father & stepmother: Email, cell phone, home phone depending on which state they’re in
• Sister: Home phone
• Stepfather: Email
• Aunt: Email
• Brother-in-law: Texting, Facebook, email
• Lisa: Email, or she’ll call me on the way to work
• Monica: Email, texting
• Jaclyn & Holly: Facebook, texting, email
• Grandparents: Email, home phone

Of course, face-to-face interaction is the best, but that’s not always possible. Thankfully, I’m comfortable using all of these forms of communication.

This list is constantly evolving. My son will need to start checking his email over the next year as his guidance counselor and colleges start emailing him information. My mother will eventually get more comfortable on Facebook, and I hope that my father and stepparents will give in and join Facebook.

I’ll get a smarter cellphone in the next year or two, and will probably start depending on it more. Until then, when people send picture messages to my phone, I can’t see them well enough to distinguish if they’re pictures of babies or dogs.

Maybe I’ll just start sending letters again. Probably not.

Note: The picture above depicts Ernestine, the character Lily Tomlin played in “Laugh-In.” I played that character in my elementary school play, and can still do a pretty mean Ernestine impression. Young’uns who aren’t familiar with Ernestine may enjoy this video where she explains her position on healthcare:

My year in Facebook statuses

Posted on 31. Dec, 2009 by kchristieh in my life, social networking

I feel like I have two diaries: my blog, and my Facebook statuses. Here’s a graphic created by the Facebook application “” that summarizes the past year by showing representative Facebook statuses. It initially included a random set of status updates, but I chose the option where I could select which statuses to display. Here’s the result:

While I was selecting which status updates to include, I copied the list and pasted it into Excel. It’s a great summary of the past year.

Lessons I never thought I’d need to teach my teens

Posted on 16. Dec, 2009 by kchristieh in life lessons, parenting

When I became a parent, I knew we’d have talks about s*x, drugs, working hard, etc. But here are a few things I’ve felt compelled to teach my teens that I never expected we’d discuss, or discuss so soon. Most have come up either because of stories we’ve heard, movies we’ve seen or articles I’ve read. I’ve repeated each of the following many times to my kids, and hope that they don’t have to experience these situations to realize the wisdom of my words.

Parties & Drinking:

• If someone passes out at a party, they’re asleep if you can rouse them and they can talk, but they’re unconscious if they can’t talk.
  • If they’re asleep, summon an adult and keep making sure you can wake them and that they’re sleeping on their side in case they throw up.
  • If they’re unconscious, call 911. (or this might happen)
• Don’t attend parties that don’t have adult supervision.
• If you’re at a party and your intuition is telling you that things are going downhill, get out fast.
• Always respectfully do what a police officer or Sheriff’s deputy asks.

Drugs:

• Marijuana can be laced with more deadly drugs.
• You can become addicted to meth the first time you use it. So don’t.

S*x:

• Besides potential pregnancy and emotional and reputation fallout, a big reason to avoid s*x outside of marriage is STDs.
• Condoms don’t always work, and oral contraceptives won’t prevent STDs.

Technology:

• Don’t let any pictures be taken of yourself that you’d be ashamed of showing up in public.
• Don’t join a Facebook group or friend someone just because all your friends have.
• Don’t let kids you don’t completely trust handle your cellphone.

Media:

• Can you imagine discussing Viagra or Monica Lewinsky with an elementary schooler? If your kids watch tv, you’ll have discussions about topics such as these. Just wait until you’re sitting on the couch next to them when a love scene in a movie comes on. Awkward!

P**n: (note: using ** so I don’t get banned by search engines)

• Even one look at p**n can embed an image you’ll always remember, so don’t look at it.
• Figure out what you’ll say if you’re at someone’s house and they start looking at or watching p**n.
• Today’s p**n is often much skankier than the stuff that was in magazines many years ago since pictures and videos don’t usually pass through editors before they’re posted on the internet.

Driving:

• Always look up Angeles Crest Highway before you turn onto it or cross it.
• If you don’t come to such a complete stop that the body of the car doesn’t back up a little bit, the local Sheriff’s deputies may give you a ticket. Better to do it and avoid traffic school.
• It doesn’t matter if “everyone else” is driving other kids before their first year of California driving is up: it’s illegal, there’s a good reason it’s illegal, and you’ll lose many privileges if you either drive someone else when you’re too young or you drive with someone else who isn’t old enough to drive you.
• Don’t let anyone into your car whom you think might have drugs on them, since they could leave the drugs in your car and you could get into trouble.
• Motorcycles are dangerous. Even if you are the safest driver with the safest bike, you’ve only got two wheels and can skid out if someone else cuts you off. Then, you’re completely vulnerable.

Weapons:

• If a kid shows you a gun and you’re not under competent adult supervision, get away as quickly as possible and tell an adult.
• If someone even jokes about shooting someone, take it seriously and report it.

Emotions:

• Any time someone talks about suicide, take it seriously.
• If someone breaks up with you, then they don’t value you enough, so you shouldn’t pine over them. (That’s a tough one.)

Forgiveness:

• Gossip hurts.
• It’s better if you come to me and let me know you messed up than for me to find out later or for the mess to get bigger.
• “Sorry” means you’re never going to do it again.
• Don’t follow “sorry” with “But.”
• Forgive others just as you wish to be forgiven.

I’m sure I’m missing some, and I welcome your suggestions.

It’s no wonder I don’t Twitter

Posted on 19. Jun, 2009 by kchristieh in parenting, social networking

I don’t even like getting Facebook updates on my cell phone. I just turned them off. I was only getting text messages when my husband updated his status or when someone commented on my status, but it was getting annoying checking my cell phone only to find a silly little comment. I used to get updates of my kids’ status updates, but they asked me to turn them off since it was freaky that they’d be sitting on the couch on Facebook and my phone would start speaking the text of their update.

I’ll save my phone for more important messages.

Join the “No 710 Tunnel” Facebook group

Posted on 28. May, 2009 by kchristieh in local news, politics

I’ve created a “” Facebook group. Please join!

Students need a grievance process so they don’t resort to extreme measures

Posted on 08. Feb, 2009 by kchristieh in education

Imagine this:

• A high school student completes the in-class assignment and hands it in. Weeks later, the teacher finally marks the grades in the online computer program and gives the student a 0, saying he didn’t complete the assignment. The student complains to the teacher, explaining that he was in class that day and handed in the assignment, but the teacher refuses to even check the attendance record. The 0 stands.
• A student is absent, and when he attends class the next day he asks the teacher what was assigned. The teacher mentions one item, but neglects to mention the other. The following day, when the teacher asks for both items, the student says he only knew about one. The teacher says he should have found out from the other students, and gives the student a 0 for the assignment.
• A student receives an assignment back from a teacher that has a grade on it, but no explanation. When the student asks the teacher for an explanation, explaining that he’s not complaining about the grade but wants to learn from his mistakes, the teacher is not able to explain the grade.
• A student’s paper is graded by a student in another class. The name on the paper is not hidden. The student in the other class doesn’t like the student who’s paper he’s grading, so he gives him a bad grade. The teacher counts the student grade for the assignment.

I’ve heard of all of these (and others) happening, but to the best of my knowledge, none of these were pursued any further. Many students and their parents are too afraid to complain about unfair situations, because they are afraid that the teachers involved will take it out on the student for the rest of the year. I can definitely sympathize.

I also sympathize with Katherine Evans, who was a high school honor student when she became frustrated with a teacher’s refusal to help her with assignments and reproach when she missed class for a blood drive. She was angry enough to post the following on Facebook:

“To those select students who have had the displeasure of having Ms. Sarah Phelps, or simply knowing her and her insane antics: Here is the place to express your feelings of hatred.”

I wouldn’t advise my kids to post that on Facebook, but it wasn’t a threat and it was no worse than what kids talk about to each other over the lunch table. Unfortunately, Katherine’s school disagreed, and two months after she posted and removed that, she was suspended for three days. She’s now fighting to remove that from her record so that it doesn’t hurt her chances of getting into graduate school or hamper her employment opportunities.

Katherine’s not the only one who complains about teachers on Facebook. A quick search of the term “worst teacher” will connect you with many Facebook groups that have formed in reaction to reviled teachers. Again, I think it’s mean and risky for a kid to join a group like that and to post on its wall, but unless it’s a threat to the teacher, I think it should be considered free speech.

The root of the problem is that students don’t have a fair grievance process when faced with an unfair situation. To be sure, there are some teachers who respect the students they teach and are willing to admit mistakes and rectify their wrongs, and there are many teachers who are careful enough to avoid these problems. Also, there are some students (and parents) who have no problem being a “squeaky wheel” and complaining about a problem. But the bulk of the students and parents I know keep their mouths shut in fear of retribution.

That’s sad. I think there should be a way for students to advocate for themselves without fear of having it backfire on them. I also think that all teachers should be encouraged to to take student concerns seriously and treat them with respect. School districts should also be sure not to give teachers such an oppressive workload that they’re tempted to cut corners and compromise the learning and grading process.

These things would take cultural changes, more supervision, an actual grievance process and more money for smaller class sizes. It’s a tough bill. But I hope it happens, because in the meantime it’s breeding a generation of cynical, cowering students.

PS – If you want a mood boost, search for the term “best teacher” on Facebook. You’ll be impressed by how many teachers have fan clubs and groups dedicated to honoring them and sharing favorite memories. I wish there were more teachers like these!!

It’s not just for kids: Women 55 and over are the fastest-growing Facebook demographic

Posted on 05. Feb, 2009 by kchristieh in cool websites

Where’s your Mama? She’s probably on Facebook! In an effort to retain their mantles as our nation’s matriarchs, that women 55 and over are their fastest-growing demographic. Since the end of September, they’ve increased their membership at a rate of 175.3%, whereas their male counterparts increased theirs by only 137.8%.

They also reported that women outnumber men in every age group on Facebook:

In total, women now make up about 56.2% of Facebook’s US audience, up from 54.3% late last year. Women most outnumber men in the 18-25 and 26-34 age groups, where there are 1.4 females for every 1 male on Facebook.

The age distribution of Facebook users has also shifted dramatically. Whereas only a few years ago, Facebook was limited to college students, 45% of the 45.3 million active users in the U.S. are 26 or older, and nearly a quarter of the active Facebook users are 35 or older.

Why do I care? Because I want the rest of my friends and relatives to get on Facebook! I want to keep in touch with you better, and Facebook makes it so easy! Don’t let the kids convince you that it’s just for them. That’s not true!!!

Yo, MJ! If you’re reading this, here’s another official reminder to get on Facebook! You’re missing news, photos and videos of family members!!

A short list of ways Facebook has enhanced my life lately

Posted on 01. Nov, 2008 by kchristieh in cool websites, my life, parenting

I didn’t get much out of MySpace, which isn’t surprising since less than half the people there were who they said they were and most of my friends avoided it like the plague. LinkedIn is cool, but very serious, and it doesn’t generate much dialogue. Facebook, however, has proven to be a great way to find old friends, stay in touch with current ones, and get to know people better.

Here’s a quick list of some of the ways that Facebook has enriched me this year:

• My husband and I had a wonderful lunch in Santa Barbara with Ri-Pen, a college friend of mine who was a year behind me. We’re never at the same reunions, but we got back in touch via Facebook.
• Four nights hosting Pakistani friends Majid, Hina, Obed and Sofi. We met Majid and Obed at church camp last summer, and reconnected on Facebook this spring. It was wonderful getting to know the whole family better, and it’s cool that we can stay in touch so easily even though we’re half a world away.
• Reconnecting with members of my old Brownie troop to talk about elementary school memories. I haven’t seen some of them in 35 years.
• Collecting information for my college class notes column via Facebook messages, and having the luxury of being able to put faces to everyone’s name.
• Easily finding the home of the car driven by the people who stole my Obama sign. (Thanks, R & P!)
• And finally, being the only one at tonight’s Boosters dinner with my dress on since Amy saw on Facebook that I was wearing a Banana Republic dress and didn’t want to take a chance that the one she bought this summer was the same one. It was. Phew!

As you can see, I’m finding Facebook to be quite worthwhile. It’s how I share photos and videos, since it’s so easy to “tag” people and to set privacy settings. I keep up with my kids’ lives somewhat via Facebook, but at this point my own virtual life is so vivid that I don’t need to live vicariously through them. Besides, who wants to relive those years anyway?

Links:

• How to Join Facebook: Easy Instruction Guide for Adults (or Anyone!)
• MySpace / Facebook / Social Networking Parents Safety Guide

Everyone on Facebook should see these safety videos

Posted on 26. Aug, 2008 by kchristieh in parenting, social networking

No matter how many times we tell kids to be careful before they post personal information online in places such as Facebook or MySpace, I bet the message doesn’t come through as clearly as it does in these safety videos on CyberTipline.com.

First, the video titled “Everyone.”

I like how it leads us down a slippery slope. At first, the girl is flattered that a handsome older boy is paying attention to her, but by the end she’s weirded out when the guy cleaning the tables at the mall knows her.

I know how that feels. I’m careful about what I post on this blog, but every once in awhile someone I barely know asks about some detail in my life that they read in my blog. I’m pretty comfortable wearing my heart on my sleeve, but I have to be careful. And as for my kids, I do the supermarket test: would they be comfortable if someone at the supermarket mentioned something they learned about them on my blog? Usually, the answer is “no,” so that’s why you don’t read much about my kids. I wonder what “mommy bloggers” will do when their kids become teenagers?

Next, “Think Before You Post.”

The teenage girl puts a picture of herself on the school bulletin board, but whenever anyone takes it down it magically appears again. She tries getting them all down, but can’t. See what happens at the end…eeek! The risk of posting pictures is also the focus of this effective radio ad.
This one also strikes home. I’ve seen lots of wonderful pictures of friends on Facebook, but sometimes I’m amazed at how I have access to the pictures THEIR friends post. There are many people that don’t take the extra time to tighten their privacy settings, or who feel fine posting compromising pictures.

Other videos include “Exchange” and “Places“, both of which are about deleting online predators.

I still think Facebook is wonderful…when used safely.

Local man lures girls via MySpace, other sites

Posted on 28. May, 2008 by kchristieh in parenting, social networking

The next time I give a presentation to parents about social networking, I want to remember to tell them about this story that happened a few towns over. It’s unusual, and hardly ever occurs, but clearly it can happen, and nearby. Here’s a long excerpt from today’s Pasadena Star News:

Suspect allegedly lured teens on Internet

LOS ANGELES – A federal grand jury indicted a 33-year-old Monrovia man Tuesday, claiming he seduced 10 teenage girls over the Internet, had sex with them and took pornographic photos of the girls.

The indictment accuses 33-year-old Gregory Serrano of San Gabriel of 23 crimes, including using the Internet to entice minors, producing and possessing child pornography and destroying evidence.

Local authorities have charged Serrano, a graduate of Walnut High School, with 20 additional counts of child molestation stemming from incidents dating to June 2006.

Serrano allegedly used “social networking sites on the Internet to convince high school-age girls to have sex with him and pose for pornographic pictures,” U.S. Attorney’s Office spokesman Thom Mrozek said in a written statement.

Monrovia police Lt. Richard Wagnon described the allegations against Serrano as one of the worst child molestation cases he’s ever seen.

Ten girls between the ages of 13 and 17 have been identified as victims. Officials believe other victims have yet to come forward, said United States Attorney Joey Blanch.

Investigators discovered pornographic photographs in Serrano’s possession that depict victims other than the 10 already identified, Blanch said.

Serrano used Web sites like myspace.com, netlog.com and myyearbook.com to target his victims, Mrozek said.

How can someone justify such evil to themselves?

Scary man on Facebook befriends local kids

Posted on 14. May, 2008 by kchristieh in parenting, social networking

Would you want this man to be your child’s Facebook friend?

Unfortunately, this person had “friended” 17 of our local freshmen and sophomores before I was able to figure out how to report him and ask Facebook to shut him down.*

Big kudos to Facebook: within minutes, he disappeared from the site.

Parents, this is one more reason to make sure you discuss internet safety with your kids and have a good idea of what they’re doing online. This guy’s Wall included comments from kids saying, “Who are you?” but they “friended” him anyway.

I just got lucky to see this…but I may not next time. I’ve never seen anything like this before, on either MySpace or Facebook, and I don’t want to again. Let’s all be on the lookout for our kids’ safety.

By the way, this also prompted me to make sure my kids have their profiles set so that only friends can see them. Otherwise, even if my kids are being careful about who they friend, some sketchy guy who’s their friend’s friend would be able to see their profile. Yikes!

* I was able to see his profile, and clicked on “Report” at the bottom of his page. However, I don’t see that at the bottom of all pages. When I clicked on Help / Safety & Security / Report Abuse, I filled out a form, hit submit, and got the error message to the right.

Facebook / MySpace Safety Guide for Parents

Posted on 09. May, 2008 by kchristieh in education, parenting, social networking

I’ve given four talks about internet safety to parent groups over the last two days. Here’s a brief summary of the Facebook / MySpace portion of my talk. You can also see it on my Facebook / MySpace Safety Guide for Parents page. I’ll keep that updated as time goes by.

Click here for my easy step-by-step instructions for adults who wish to join Facebook.

A Brief History

Several years ago, local teenagers flocked to and set up highly personalized, mostly public pages. When parents discovered these pages, they were appalled at some of the things their kids were posting and the fact that anyone in the world could easily see what their children were doing. So the kids set their pages to Private. This didn’t mean the skanky stuff disappeared, but at least the rest of the world couldn’t see it.

Then dropped its requirement that users have a college email address. Many high schoolers and adults joined, and now Facebook is quickly gaining in popularity. There are some communities where MySpace is still more popular, but at least in my city, Facebook is It.

What is Facebook?

Facebook is a free website where users are given their own page to post information, news, pictures and videos about themselves. When they become someone’s Facebook “friend,” that person can see their page and communicate with them. It’s a great way to find friends you’ve lost track of and keep up with what your circle of friends is doing. It’s also the primary way that many people are sharing photos and videos, because you can “tag” those videos with your friends’ names and they’ll show up on their pages too.

Why should parents care what their kids are doing online?

• Safety: You want to make sure your kids aren’t communicating with someone who intends to harm them.
• Bullying: Whether it’s nasty messages or groups dedicated to hating a person, the internet opens up whole new realms of bullying possibilities. It’s also not always kid vs. kid; sometimes, kids are saying inappropriate things about their teachers.
• Privacy: Sometimes people forget that the internet is a public forum, and somehow information that they consider private is actually public.
• Mature themes: We all draw the line somewhere, and you want to make sure your online rules are consistent with your offline ones.
• Ads: Even innocent internet pages might be accompanied by racy ads.
• Time usage: It’s addictive, and can waste a lot of time.
• Identity theft: Put the pieces together and someone can even open a credit card in your child’s name.
• Self-branding: Is your child’s online image what he wants his community, potential employers and colleges to see? Even if it’s private, there are colleges and employers that are asking for access to pages.

What’s the difference between MySpace and Facebook?

• Real names vs. pseudonyms:
  Here’s a quote from a recent study:
  “ Nearly all of Facebook’s 70 million members use their real names, while less than half of MySpace’s 110 million members use theirs.”
  I’m not surprised. I saw lots of nicknames and pseudonyms on MySpace, but the guidelines and the culture of Facebook really encourage people to use their real names, and not hide behind an anonymous facade. This results in more honest dialogue and discussion, and less inappropriate behavior than on MySpace. After all, if you’re yourself, you’ll have to answer to what you post when you see your Facebook friends in real life.
• Privacy:
  Facebook also has extensive, customizable privacy controls. Last time I checked, your only options on MySpace were either a private or a public page. On Facebook, one can choose to only show photos to friends, or friends of friends, or one’s network, or everyone. Same thing goes for videos, groups joined., etc.
• Ads:
  MySpace puts any ad, anywhere. A high school church youth group page might have a “Want to have an affair?” ad above it. At least at the moment, Facebook ads are more targeted, and I don’t see that happening. Middle-aged women are asked if they need a chiropracter or want to buy shoes, and their husbands are asked about rock ‘n roll fantasy camps.
• Constantly improving:
  Facebook seems to improve at a quicker pace than MySpace, which makes it safer and more fun to use.
• Cleaner interface:
  MySpace pages allowed so much customization that they were often cluttered, unreadable and loud. Think yellow writing on a black background with repeating sports logos and heavy metal music playing. On the converse, all Facebook pages have a grid pattern and a white background. They’re much more tasteful, and much easier to read.

Safety Tips:

• Only let people be friends if you know them in person
• Revise & frequently review your privacy settings
• Use a different password for every site. Use a formula so you don’t always need to write them down.
• Post as few identifying facts, such as your address and the city and date of your birth, as possible
• Don’t assume you have privacy
• Make sure no one’s set up a fake page for you
• Don’t visit porn sites or sites selling questionable wares. Besides that they’re inappropriate, they often leave spyware or viruses on your computer.
• Don’t share your password with anyone except your parents
• See what others have to say about an application before you add it.
• Don’t add too many applications
• Don’t add applications that ask for a password
• Don’t join inappropriate groups
• Don’t post pictures, videos or other information about other people unless they approve
• Once you’re logged in, don’t log in again
• Make sure you have a computer operating system, firewall and anti-virus program that update automatically
• Back up your computer regularly
• Block and report anyone that sends you unwanted or inappropriate communications
• Consider signing up for Lifelock as a backup to prevent identity theft. I signed up after my mail was stolen a few months ago. I still take steps to protect my identity, but I’m glad I have the backup.

Steps parents should take to make sure their kids are safe on Facebook and other websites:

• “Children under 13 years old are not permitted access to Facebook. In addition, parents of children 13 years and older should consider whether their child should be supervised during the child’s use of the Facebook site.” (Source:
• Keep internet-connected computers in plain view
• Join Facebook before your kid does (if possible)
• Add friends, applications, groups, photos, etc. to your own page so that you know how it all works
• Be your kid’s “friend” – in full profile!
• Be your kid’s friends’ “friend” (if possible)
• Don’t stalk or embarrass your child. If you send him a message, it’s private. If you post something on his Wall, it’s public, and all his friends can see it.
• Get your child’s username and password. If your child starts exhibiting strange or self-destructive behavior, you’ll probably want to see what’s going on online. Otherwise, you’ll probably never need this. But have it just in case.
• Check your child’s profile regularly.
• Challenge them to tell you something about their friends.
• Check your child’s privacy settings with them.
• Share safety tips with them.
• Don’t assume Facebook or other parents will monitor your child’s safety. That’s up to you and your child.
• Set limits on time and access.
• Balance trust & monitoring – trust your intuition.

Internet security software:

Some people choose to monitor and restrict their child’s online activities using security software. I don’t, since I don’t want anything else on my computer that might mess it up and I don’t suspect that my kids are up to anything, but here are some things the software can be used for: (source)

• Filter sexually explicit graphic descriptions or images: These tools block your child from viewing most sexually explicit material on the Web. But be aware, no filter is perfect.
• Monitor your child’s online activities: These tools allow parents and caregivers the ability to monitor your child’s online activities through a variety of methods.
• Limit the amount of time your child spends online: These tools can limit the amount time you child spends online. Some tools allow parents to block out times of the day when the child can or cannot go online.
• Block your child’s personal information from being posted or emailed: These tools prevent a child from giving strangers their personal information (e.g. name, home address, etc.) while they are online.
• Browsers for kids: These are Web browsers that serve as a gateway between your computer and the Internet. Browsers for kids generally filter sexual or otherwise inappropriate words or images. They are often designed to be easier for kids to use.

Programs include:

Learn which programs satisfy your needs and computer system at GetNetWise.org

MySpace is not the Antichrist

Posted on 12. Apr, 2008 by kchristieh in parenting, social networking

“As far as I’m concerned, MySpace is the Antichrist for children.”

So says Patrick Lindsay, whose 16-year-old daughter was brutally beaten by six teenage girls after she posted defamatory comments on MySpace. A videotape of the 30-minute beating was then posted on YouTube.

I feel for Mr. Lindsay and his daughter, but I disagree. MySpace is a communication tool that can be used for good or evil, just as YouTube, Facebook or even Microsoft Word can. It is not inherently evil.

On the other hand, I think it’s easier to make bad judgments with greater ramifications on MySpace than on most other websites. When MySpace was popular among our local teens a year or two ago, I saw scantily clad adolescents, cursing, and mean-spirited remarks on some of their public pages. I think the MySpace culture often doesn’t encourage people to take responsibility for being their real selves, and naive and immature teens often wind up posting things they come to regret. As a result, I didn’t let my kids create MySpace profiles. (I do let them have Facebook pages, however.)

The bottom line: parents need to monitor their kids’ internet usage. Most parents want to know where there kids are in the “real” world, so they shouldn’t abdicate that responsibility in the virtual world. As the sheriff’s deputy who spoke at one of our PTSA meetings said when asked about whether parents can monitor their kids’ internet usage: if you don’t, then “Shame on you.”

Why I finally let my daughter have a Facebook page

Posted on 13. Feb, 2008 by kchristieh in my life, parenting

After much consideration, I finally made my daughter’s day and told her she could have a page. Here’s why:

• She’s 16, and I think she’s mature enough to handle it
• Our church youth leaders announce upcoming events on Facebook
• She agreed to be my “friend”
• She’s going to give me her user name and password
• She’s only going to be “friends” with people she’s met in person
• We agreed upon her privacy settings
• I’ve been exploring Facebook lately, and I think it’s safer than MySpace

I envy my kids’ generation. They have so many more ways to bond and keep the communities that they build than I ever did. Once they graduate, they’ll still have their friends’ cell phone numbers, Facebook pages and email addresses to help keep in touch. I’ve lost track of all but a few of my high school classmates. Then again, I do keep in touch with the ones I care the most about.

I also get the impression that there’s more mixing between social groups because of Facebook. Some kids have friends online that they probably would never eat lunch with. Even so, because they’re “friends,” I think they have at least a modicum of sympathy and respect for the other person. Even though there can be online bullying, maybe it nets out to be less bullying overall since people don’t bully “friends.”

I’ve been more impressed with the culture of Facebook than that of MySpace. People generally use their real names and personas, probably because they’re accountable to whichever groups they belong to. I’m also glad that I can’t see personal details of my daughter’s friends unless they’re also my friends.

Did MySpace founder Tom Anderson lie about his age?

Posted on 05. Nov, 2007 by kchristieh in parenting, technical

For years, Tom Anderson has said he was 27 when he founded MySpace. It looks like he was rounding down.

According to public documents obtained by NEWSWEEK—including professional license information, voter registration and utility and telephone service applications—Anderson is five years older than he claims. His online profile currently lists his age as 32, but it appears he was actually born on Nov. 8, 1970, meaning he’ll turn 37 next week, not 33.

Like every new MySpace user, Tom was my first “friend.” In fact, since I don’t use my MySpace account, Tom was my only friend. I never contacted him, however, as I didn’t personally know him, I’m happily married, and he was over a decade younger. It turns out he’s not so much younger than me after all! I just checked, and Tom’s no longer my friend. Maybe he decided to stick to people he truly knows after all.

Perhaps Tom understated his age because it looks a lot more hip to start an internet company in one’s 20’s than in one’s 30’s. When I worked at eToys, I was the grande dame in my mid-30’s. Almost all of my colleagues were a decade younger, and hardly any were parents like I was. This happens in other industries, too: I know a model who lied about her age so that she’d keep getting job offers.
Still, rules are rules, and states that

MySpace will delete users whom we find to be younger than 14, or those misrepresenting their age.

I wonder what they’re going to do about Tom?

Click here to see my listing of MySpace and Facebook safety tips, as well as a listing of relevant articles on the topic. And many thanks to Marcos for tipping me off to Tom’s faux age!

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An explanation of internet jerks

Posted on 19. Oct, 2007 by kchristieh in my life, technical

From the comments on Pogue’s Posts:

Normal person + anonymity + audience = total jerk

Thankfully, my audience doesn’t fit this bill. And I’m not anonymous, so I don’t fill the whole equation. But am I normal? Who cares???

By the way, I highly recommend that you click on the link above to see responses to a bunch of questions Pogue asked. When I read it I learned that other countries have implemented great ideas we haven’t, such as cell phone charges for the minutes you actually use (India), separated recycling bins in food courts (Portugal) and foot pedals on sinks (India).

Babes in the Woods: Why girls are so susceptible to MySpace’s dangers

Posted on 26. Jun, 2007 by kchristieh in articles, parenting

I just added the best article I’ve seen yet to this blog’s MySpace Parents Guide page.

In the Atlantic Monthly article “Babes in the Woods: Anybody could be tracking your children online. Even me.”, Caitlin Flanagan shows how easy it is for her to find what should be private details about a local girl’s life at a time when she is most vulnerable. She also talks about Club Penguin, the social networking website that’s becoming popular among elementary kids.

With the Internet, children are marching out into the world every second of every day. They’re sitting in their bedrooms—wearing their retainers, topped up with multivitamins, radiating the good care and safekeeping that is their lot in life in America at the beginning of the new century—and they’re posting photographs of themselves, typing private sentiments, unthinkingly laying down a trail of bread crumbs leading straight to their dance recitals and Six Flags trips and Justin Timberlake concerts, places where anyone with an interest in retainer-wearing 13-year-olds is free to follow them. All that remains to be seen is whether anyone will follow them, and herein lies a terrifying uncertainty, which neither skeptics nor doomsayers can deny: The Internet has opened a portal into what used to be the inviolable space of the home, through which anything, harmful or harmless, can pass. It won’t be closing anytime soon—or ever—and all that parents can do is hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

One of her best points is that parents often don’t realize how much danger their kids are in because the kids don’t share what bad things they see. They (probably rightfully) figure that if their parents knew all that went on, they’d cut off their internet privileges.

As part of the first episode of his show, Hansen convened a panel of tweens and teens, among them children of some of his colleagues at NBC, and asked how many of them had been “approached online by someone in a sexual way that made you feel uncomfortable.” Almost all the kids raised their hands. Then he asked how many had told their parents. Not a hand went up. And when he asked why they hadn’t told their parents, all the kids in the room said they didn’t tell because they didn’t want their parents to take away their Internet connections.

Suddenly, it all made sense to me: Teenagers don’t tell their parents that someone nasty got through to them for the same reason I didn’t tell my parents that kids were dropping acid at a party—because they wouldn’t let me go to those parties anymore. That’s the horrible, inescapable fact of coming of age: The moment you choose the world over your parents, you’ve chosen to make your own decisions about what’s safe and what’s not, with only your own wits to protect you.

It’s a great article, and I strongly suggest you read it. Even if you’re not a parent, it’s a well-written commentary on contemporary teen culture.

The parents did everything right, but it happened anyway

Posted on 18. Jun, 2007 by kchristieh in articles, parenting, technical

One big lesson I’ve learned as a parent and as a friend of other parents is that doing everything right as a parent doesn’t guarantee that your kids will make good decisions or that they’ll be safe.

That truth turned tragic in the case of Kristin Helms. She was only 14 when she met a 27-year-old Texas man on MySpace. When her parents found out, they closed down her MySpace page and took away her computer privileges. But Kristin continued to communicate with the man via other computers and by phone. He led her down a slippery path to the point where she agreed to meet him near her home in Lake Forest, CA, and had sex with him twice. He cut off the relationship, and she was very upset.

At this point she did the right thing: she told her parents. They did the right thing, too: they supported her, surrounded her with love, and proceeded with prosecuting the man, who pleaded guilty.

But despite the support she received, Kristin still struggled with so much depression that she committed suicide. Today, a year later, her parents will sit at the sentencing of the man who raped her. It’s a small consolation, however, for it won’t get their daughter back.

I wish I could tell these parents how much my heart goes out to them. If I were in their shoes, I would have done the same things. I’m not sure that’s much of a takeaway lesson, but at least it shows that even when you do things right, bad things can happen. Perhaps the lesson should be to do all that the Helms’ did, but also tell your children about Kristin. Then her death won’t be for naught.

There’s a detailed story about Kristin in . I’ve added it to my MySpace Parents Safety Guide page.

POSTSCRIPT: The reports that Kiley Ryan Bowers was sentenced to 9 years in prison. He has expressed remorse for his actions.

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omg, wutz mom doing on facebook?

Posted on 07. Jun, 2007 by kchristieh in articles, parenting, tv

People often assume that since I give talks on MySpace safety, I must spend lots of time on the site. Actually, I don’t. My kids don’t have MySpace pages, and I don’t want to become Stalker Mom and pretend to be a kid looking for friends so I can find out what’s really going on behind those private pages. Besides, I’m too busy leading a real life.

Michelle Slatalla reports in today’s NYTimes story, “omg my mom joined facebook!!”, that she crossed the line and asked her daughter’s friends to be her friends on Facebook. Needless to say, her daughter was not pleased.

Things were going really well, when suddenly something disturbing happened. An instant-message window appeared onscreen to deliver a verdict.

“wayyy creepy,” it said. “why did you make one!”

Ah, there she was.

“What are you talking about?” I typed innocently.

“im only telling you for your own good,” my daughter typed.

“Be my friend,” I typed.

“You won’t get away with this,” she typed. “everyone in the whole world thinks its super creepy when adults have facebooks.”

“Have facebooks? Is that what you think a Profile page is called?” I typed.

She disconnected.

I can understand why she set up a page and asked for friends, but I agree with her daughter that it’s a little creepy. I know of someone locally who was asked by the father of one of her friends to be his friend, and she was a little wigged out by it. He probably meant no harm, but it was a little weird.

So, I’ll let the kids have their own little world and be thankful that my kids stick to real-life contacts to maintain friendships. If you’re counting on me to tell you that I’ve seen something amiss with your kid online, you’ll be sorely disappointed.

PS – The SMILE tv show I was on last week talking about MySpace is airing right now. I saw it the other day, and was amazed at how different I look on tv. If someone drew a caricature of me, they’d hone in on the square jaw.

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Fun times with the SmileLady

Posted on 31. May, 2007 by kchristieh in education, my life, tv

Debra Johnson is a force of nature! This outgoing, confident woman is also known as the SmileLady. As such, she hosts a weekly cable TV show on Channel 56 (Pasadena Community Network) called “SMILE” that encourages Support, Motivation, Investing, Love and Education.

I met Debra when I spoke about MySpace at the Pasadena Jr. League “” conference at Caltech in March. Debra appreciated that I said that MySpace wasn’t evil, but that it needed to be used correctly in order to be used safely. She introduced herself afterwards, and invited me to be a guest on her show.

Yesterday I took her up on her offer, and had a great time being interviewed on her show. (See picture below.) She asked insightful questions, and was very skilled at filling the space between segments with words of wisdom. I’m not sure how well I did, but I’ll cut myself a break since this is my first real television appearance. (As opposed to the faux ones of my youth and the LCF Educational Foundation video when I was president.)

The show should air next Tuesday at 8:00 am and 8:00 pm in the local Pasadena Charter Cable area, and perhaps at 4:00 am and 4:00 pm on Thursday of next week. Set your Tivos!

“Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.”

- Mother Teresa

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Girls Rock! Bodywise Conference

Posted on 10. Mar, 2007 by kchristieh in life lessons, my life, parenting

I had the privilege of speaking about internet safety at the sponsored by the Jr. League of Pasadena today. The event was aimed at middle school girls and their caretakers. The audience asked great questions, and I think the presentation went well. I was so relieved that the projector actually worked, and they even got the sound working by the second presentation I gave. (Last time I presented the projector didn’t even work…talking about winging it!)

I enjoyed hearing Janet Evans speak before me. She’s very articulate, determined, humble and grounded. Like other successful people, she spoke about how hard work and focus helped her achieve her goals. But what I appreciated most was when she spoke about how sometimes no matter how hard you try, you might not be #1, but that’s ok since you should be satisfied if you’ve done your best. What a great message for jr high girls to hear!

It was neat to actually handle her gold medal, which she passed around the room. I was surprised at how heavy it was!

One is the loneliest number

Posted on 17. Nov, 2006 by kchristieh in articles, my life

Other than being severely ill, there are few things I’d rather not be than lonely. I appreciate some “alone time”, for sure, but I’d hate not to have friends and relatives to accompany me on life’s journey. Thankfully, I’m blessed with wonderful relationships.

According to yesterday’s Christianity Today article, Look at All the Lonely People, an increasing number of Americans report that they’re lonely.

As of 2004, the average American had just two close friends, compared with three in 1985. Those reporting no confidants at all jumped from 10 percent to 25 percent. Even the share of Americans reporting a healthy circle of four or five friends had plunged from 33 percent to just over 15 percent.

Increasingly, those whom we consider close friends – if we have any – are household members, not people who “bind us to community and neighborhood.” Our wider social connections seem to be shriveling like a turkey left too long in the oven.

Why is this? Are people too busy to make friends? Personally, I don’t buy that excuse. Even back in the PE (Pre-Email) days when I commuted to a far-off cubicle, or went on the road to client offices for weeks or months at a time, I was always able to make and maintain relationships.

Here’s Christianity Today’s theory:

Perhaps the same thing that is sabotaging marriage is undermining friendship: our increasing unwillingness to commit to relationships that require sacrifice, mutual accountability, and a generous share of humility. That refusal is often not so much willful as fearful. Back in the ’60s, cultural critics Simon and Garfunkel noted the temptation to what is now innocuously called cocooning: “I’ve built walls, a fortress deep and mighty, that none may penetrate. I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain. It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain.”

I wonder if that’s why my mother-in-law never had a friend in the 20 years that I knew her. Seriously. It was so alien to me, and so sad.

On the other hand, there was a fascinating NY Times story yesterday about our need for personal space. In In Certain Circles, Two Is a Crowd, Stephanie Rosenbloom reports that

According to scientists, personal space involves not only the invisible bubble around the body, but all the senses. People may feel their space is being violated when they experience an unwelcome sound, scent or stare: the woman on the bus squawking into her cellphone, the co-worker in the adjacent cubicle dabbing on cologne, or the man in the sandwich shop leering at you over his panini.

But whether people have become more protective of their personal space is difficult to say. Studies show people tend to adapt, even in cities, which are likely to grow ever more crowded based on population projections.

Apparently Americans require more personal space than people in other cultures. I agree. As much as I love my fellow human beings, I’d get completely stressed out if I had to live in a crowded city in India. Thankfully, I’ve got lots of personal space here.

Isn’t it sad that you can be surrounded by people, and yet still be lonely?

My MySpace, YouTube talk

Posted on 05. Nov, 2006 by kchristieh in articles, parenting, religion

You can never be too prepared: I met Howard H. at the church at 8:30 this morning to get his laptop connected to the church’s projector for my Growing Families talk about MySpace and YouTube. It’s lucky we got there so early: a cord was missing, and then the laptop wouldn’t talk to the projector. We finally got it going halfway through the talk. Thankfully I’d printed out all my slides on enough handouts for each person.

In preparing for the talk, I reorganized my MySpace Parents Guide and added more links to it. After the talk, I added some links to internet safety software programs.

Of course, when I got home from church I discovered that today’s NY Times has two great articles about social networking sites.

In The Overconnecteds, Betsy Israel reports that Generation M is incredibly dependent upon online communication to make and maintain friendships.

As they would explain if they had time, these teenagers, all members of Generation M (born circa 1980 to 2000), have hundreds more friends than you, the adult, had at their age, or ever. And without having to leave their rooms. According to the Pew Internet & American Life Project, 87 percent of 12- to 17-year-olds, or 21 million children, are regularly online — 11 million at least once a day — and so the figures go for pages: 75 percent use instant messaging (82 percent of them by seventh grade) and 84 percent own cellphones and iPods (in a hierarchy of cool colors) as well as laptops, BlackBerrys and other P.D.A.’s. Those who cannot afford them still manage to “get on” — at friends’ houses, Internet cafes or libraries — and 78 percent use school computers to shop online or to check their e-mail.

Are they getting enough sleep? Will these friendships last? Only time will tell…

In Snoop Daddy: A Son’s Revenge: ‘Friendbombing’, John Schwartz says that he has way too many friends since he signed up for a Facebook page.

I did it, frankly, to keep up with my own children. My daughter, Elizabeth, off at college and a 10-hour drive away, details her days on her LiveJournal.com and Facebook pages. Anyone can read the LiveJournal page, but Facebook requires that you have your own account, and be part of the same network (like University of Michigan students) or share “friend” status, to read others’ pages.

But a child doesn’t need to be out of town to be a little distant. Sam, my 16-year-old son, has a Facebook page, and when he occasionally left it up on his computer screen, I noticed it was a pretty freewheeling place, with coarse language, flirtation and jokes about high-school drinking. I mean, I hope they were jokes. We’re talking about that. In any case, it all made me want to keep an eye on things.

All was well, until his son told all his friends to ask to be his dad’s “friend.”

Sam invited more than 100 teenagers to join the Friend My Father group. That night, more than a dozen did so, with “new friend” requests popping up every hour or so. Many of them wanted to say Hi. I replied. One asked questions like “waddup mr shcwartz? how it goes” and “r u a journalist or a writer? is there a difference?”

I had, to coin a phrase, been friendbombed.

Watch what you wish for, or it might just come true. Now John needs to make sure no one thinks he’s questionnable for having so many young friends!

Two cool websites I discovered today

Posted on 10. Apr, 2006 by kchristieh in cool websites

Squidoo (http://www.squidoo.com/) allows “lensmasters” to post blogs about a specific topic. It’s a lot like About.com (http://www.about.com/) but more user-driven. I put up my MySpace Parents Guide there.

That led me to Digg (http://www.digg.com/), a site which ranks news articles and blogs based on user votes.

Both sites have search boxes to help you find the topics you’re looking for.

MySpace guide updated

Posted on 09. Apr, 2006 by kchristieh in education, parenting

In preparation for the talk I’m giving to the LCHS 7/8 (junior high) PTA on Tuesday, I’ve updated the MySpace Parent’s Guide. (click on link to the upper right) In particular, I added excerpts from some representative articles I found about MySpace.

MySpace Parents Guide

Posted on 12. Mar, 2006 by kchristieh in education, parenting

I just added a “MySpace Parents Guide” page to this blog. You can click on it in the righthand column.