My dog is jealous

Posted on 13. Jul, 2010 by kchristieh in animals

My dog may be jealous of this pooch we saw recently, but he’s too short to drive anyway. Besides, I’ll have my hands full teaching my son to drive for the next few months.

Stressing out at the fork in the road

Posted on 16. Mar, 2010 by kchristieh in education

‘Tis the season when high school seniors across the country run to the mailbox each day hoping that a big, thick envelope from the university of their choice has arrived. Until it arrives, the internet makes it easy to track how others have fared, and stress out about what that means for you or your child.

Traditional college information sites such as Princeton Review, Students Review, etc. are most useful before a student applies or after they’re accepted at a college. When you’re awaiting a response, it’s easy to get addicted to College Confidential, which hosts discussion forums on a variety of different topics and different colleges. If you’re even moderately stressed about the application process, you should proceed with caution. Once you start scanning the forums for the schools you’re applying to, you might get hooked. And chances are, your level of stress will go up, not down.

Here are some sample postings:

From the Stanford forum:

I’m hosed and depressed
I get straight A’s, but somehow my rank is 27…my classes are challenging. I don’t understand how this could happen. My friend has the exact same schedule as me but is ranked 21. I used to be rank 3 or 4. I don’t understand. I haven’t even met anyone ranked higher than me, I don’t know who these people are that are beating me. Are they tanking extra classes? I don’t know.

My chances of going to Stanford are gone now…my rank was the only thing I had going for me. All I have left are essays. Please, someone help me.

From the UCLA forum:

Welcome in my world everyone !
EVERY SINGLE PERSON told me I had good chances to get into UCLA. And yesterday night, I checked and got rejected.. People with waaaay lower scores than me got in and not me !
Even more, it was my first answer, and almost all of my other choices are Ivy Leagues..
What should I think now ?!

From the Yale forum:

I heard that Yale accepts only 1 person per school, no matter the size or reputation, no matter what. Is this true?

A response to the Yale post read:

as everyone has said, this is untrue. the fact that there is usually only one per year at some mediocre schools is probably due to the quality of the student more than to the quality of the school. it has been true in my case, but as i said that is probably due to the quality of the applicant in my school/town, not to any quota system.

Another useful but possibly-stress-inducing site is the Scattergrams section of Naviance. I believe you can only access this through a specific high school account, but many high schools offer this to their students. It plots how students at a given high school have fared when applying to a specific college, with test scores on the x-axis and GPA on the y-axis. A green dot means a student got in, and a red x means they were rejected. Here’s an example. I removed the college name, since this reflects the students at a specific high school.

Of course, don’t forget Facebook. When letters come from a given college, many kids post whether they were accepted or not.

A friend reminded me the other day that “College is not a prize to be won, but a match to be made.” Wise words to remember. I can’t wait until April 1st, I think.

Video of Kara Powell speaking on “Graduating from Faith” (Part 1)

Posted on 08. Mar, 2010 by kchristieh in religion

Who do teens say provide the most support to them? Parents or friends? What percentage of kids leave their faith behind when they leave high school? What characterizes kids who don’t leave their faith behind?

Find the answers to these and more by viewing Kara Powell’s great presentation from yesterday’s Growing Families talk at La Canada Presbyterian Church. I even purchased a Vimeo account so that I could post a 38-minute video. Mark your calendar for her next talk at 9:30 am on March 28th.

from on .

Location: La Canada Presbyterian Church (LCPC)

Date: March 7, 2010

Guest speaker: Kara E. Powell, Ph.D. Executive Director, Fuller Youth Institute, Fuller Theological Seminary

Description:

“As leaders, parents, and grandparents, we do all we can to help kids develop a faith that lasts. Yet according to research conducted by the Fuller Youth Institute, somewhere between one-third and one-half of graduating seniors pick up their diplomas and ditch their faith. Why is that? And equally important, what can we do NOW when kids are in preschool, elementary school, middle school, high school, and college to help them develop sticky faith? Regardless of how old or young the kids you care about are, come and learn all sorts of practical tips that you can apply immediately to help kids develop a faith that sticks for the long haul.”

Dr. Kara E. Powell serves as an Assistant Professor in Youth and Family Ministry and the Executive Director of the Center for Youth and Family Ministry at Fuller Theological Seminary. Prior to that, Kara was an Assistant Professor of Youth Ministry and Practical Theology at Azusa Pacific University.

In addition to her roles at Fuller Seminary, Kara currently volunteers in student ministries at Lake Avenue Church in Pasadena. She was also college pastor at Lake Avenue Church from 1995-1998 and was the Associate Youth Minister at San Diego First Assembly of God from 1991-1995. During college, Kara gained an ongoing commitment to church/parachurch partnerships during her time on Young Life Student Staff in the Stanford area.

Kara is the co-author of Deep Justice in a Broken World, Deep Ministry in a Shallow World, as well as many other books on youth and women’s ministries.

Kara is also a regular speaker at Youth Specialties National Youth Workers Conventions, Forest Home Christian Conference Center, as well as retreats and conferences across the country.

My son of a gun

Posted on 01. Feb, 2010 by kchristieh in parenting

When my daughter was little, I bought her a dump truck. She used it to store blocks.

When my son came along, he loved that dump truck. He loved anything with wheels.

So on his first Christmas I bought him a doll. He seemed to like it, but he wouldn’t name it. It became “Baby Doll.” It was ignored. When he was old enough, he threw it into the pool and rescued it. I was encouraged; perhaps he was starting to bond with the doll. Alas, after several tosses, Baby Doll became a pool toy. She floated face down in the pool.

In the Toy Battle of Nature vs. Nurture, Nature won, doll down.

When my son got older, he wanted an airsoft gun. I held my ground until he was 15, when I allowed him to purchase an airsoft pistol. It has an orange tip, and shoots little plastic pellets that don’t penetrate the skin. He soon graduated to an airsoft rifle, which he would use in epic battles in the local hills. When his rifle broke, we went to the mecca of airsofting, the Evike store in San Gabriel. (see photo to the right)

I’ve never seen a store less targeted towards me; I’m less likely to buy something there than Cabella’s. Whether it’s the big Chinese lion statues, the Playboy centerfold autographs, or the endless supply of realistic-looking clothing and weaponry (with orange tips), I don’t ever expect to visit Evike without my son in tow or in mind.

However, when he tested his new rifle, I insisted on donning goggles and taking a few shots. I was pretty darn good, and humbly admit that it was fun. The young woman who helped us was bright and knowledgeable, and I got a kick out of the fact that she was wearing Hello Kitty shorts. I doubt that my knees are up for crawling through rattlesnake-ridden underbrush, or that the adolescent boys would appreciate me joining them, but I think I understand why they play with the airsoft guns. It’s exciting and active, and requires teamwork and strategy. They’re too old to play tag, so I should be glad they’re getting away from their video games and computers and doing something together.

As long as they don’t take it any further. I’m glad there’s not an Army Experience Center here. The one at the Franklin Mills Mall in Philadelphia boasts a video gaming arena, warefare simulators, a tactical operations center and more. There are Army recruiters ready to discuss enlisting with the young people that are eligible.

I’m not ready for that. I’m still hoping for something a little more nurturing for my guy.

How to kill a teen’s love of reading

Posted on 11. Aug, 2009 by kchristieh in books, education

Shouldn’t one of the goals of high school English be to emphasize the joy of reading? If so, then the following isn’t likely to achieve that goal:

• Step 1: Tell students which book they have to read. Don’t give them a choice.
• Step 2: Make them read it over the summer.
• Step 3: Require them to annotate at least three comments in the margins of every page.
• Repeat with several more books.

I know someone who’s annotating George Orwell’s this week. Instead of appreciating the greater themes at the pace that the author intended, this teen is slogging through this book so slowly that all the life is being sucked out of it. It’s bittersweet when a kid says, “It actually seems like a really good book, but I’m not able to enjoy it when I do this assignment.” Big Brother, can you hear this?

I told the child that hopefully they’d remember that reading can be fun, and that when they graduate they’ll rediscover that.

Links:

• A explaining why annotating is considered so valuable. I think it’s a recipe for sucking the fun out of reading.
• My list of Non-”Teen” Books for Teens, Plus Books for Boys. Please let me know if you have any books to add.

The perils and possibilities of the empty nest

Posted on 06. Jul, 2009 by kchristieh in animals, my life, parenting

Thank goodness my dog bolted to the yard yesterday morning, because he passed right over a baby bird that hadn’t survived long enough to even grow feathers. Later in the day, my husband said he found a dead baby bird, too. It was a bad day for birds to leave the nest.

But it was a good day for teenagers to leave the nest. Yesterday my husband and I both put “…have an empty nest” as our Facebook status without knowing the other had. Our daughter left for a month of living with a family and studying Spanish in Central America, and we dropped off our son at a techie camp at a local university. Early reports indicate that both are growing, thriving, and enjoying spreading their wings.

Parenting is a long, slow road, but every once in awhile you need to take a leap up to the next plateau. I feel like we did that this weekend, and so far so good…

I never ate this well at school

Posted on 16. Jun, 2009 by kchristieh in education, food

Ah, the end of the school year. Finals, stress, searching for lost textbooks, and FOOD! The best food is that which earns extra credit.

Last night my teenage son made a Key Lime Pie all by himself for his end-of-year English class party. He used a recipe from our cookbook and even managed to cut the fancy lime slice to put on top. Maybe last summer’s get-off-the-couch-and-cook deal is paying off.

Sorry the picture’s not better. I figured I was lucky he even let me take one as he ran out the door.

Meet the competition: SAT Review Gone Wild

Posted on 12. Jun, 2009 by kchristieh in education, parenting

I’m not sure which part of the following Elite of Arcadia SAT review course ad scares my children more. Is it the special “2400 Club” class for kids who have already scored above 2200 and are seeking a perfect score? Or is it the Monday – Friday, 14 week, 5.5 hour/day Boot Camp?

When you’re in a district that’s ranked highly by Newsweek, you compete against kids who take these classes. One child I know said these classes should be called “mental hospitals,” since this child swears that many of the kids who take them are on a verge of a breakdown. Perhaps they are. And perhaps they and/or their parents think it’s worth it.

The Wall St. Journal recently featured an article titled, “SAT Coaching Found to Boost Scores — Barely.” It said that,

Families can spend thousands of dollars on coaching to help college-bound students boost their SAT scores. But a new report finds that these test-preparation courses aren’t as beneficial as consumers are led to believe.

The report, to be released Wednesday by the National Association for College Admission Counseling, criticizes common test-prep-industry marketing practices, including promises of big score gains with no hard data to back up such claims. The report also finds fault with the frequent use of mock SAT tests because they can be devised to inflate score gains when students take the actual SAT.

On the other hand, the article continued that,

The report also noted that some college-admissions officers indirectly encourage applicants to sign up for SAT-prep courses by setting score cutoffs. A survey included in the report found that more than a third of schools with tight selection criteria said that an increase of just 20 points in the math section of the SAT, and of 10 points in the critical reading section, would “significantly improve students’ likelihood of admission.”

Either way, my kids won’t be taking these classes. My daughter took her last SAT on Saturday, and my son would rue me forever if I made him take this class. Hopefully they’ll gain good life, spiritual, athletic and academic experiences from the summer we have plannned.

What high schools should really teach

Posted on 02. May, 2009 by kchristieh in education

Do you use everything you learned in high school? I doubt it. Aren’t there subjects you wish you’d studied in high school, or you wish that your children would learn? If I were in charge, here’s what I’d propose that students learn in high school in order to challenge them, excite them, and teach them lessons and skills that will enrich them and teach them to lead more productive lives:

Math: Teach geometry and algebra, but try to provide more real-life examples of when you’d use them. Instead of automatically moving kids on to trigonometry and calculus after that, encourage them to take logic and statistics. They’re much more useful, even in the teenage years. Can you imagine how cool it would be if a course could actually teach teens to be logical?

English: I wince when my sophomore son says, “I hate reading.” I don’t think he does, but I don’t blame him for saying it when he’s forced to annotate books written in non-standard English with adult themes. English class should teach kids to appreciate the power and beauty of our language, and give them the tools to comprehend and communicate. It’s important that they’re familiar with classic literature, but they’ll lose the joy of reading it if they have to pick it apart sentence by sentence. After all, that’s not what most authors intend when they write. As for contemporary literature, I’d empower kids by giving them choices, or at least not force them to read books with adult themes that perpetuate racial stereotypes. We should also expose our kids to great poetry, songs, speeches, and other forms of communication. As they learn what makes each work great, they should practice writing and speaking their own words and thoughts.

Social Studies: There’s not enough time in high school to cover all the social sciences needed to become an informed and responsible citizen, and I actually think that most high schools do an admirable job of trying. It’s important to take a general social studies course, an American history course (in America), and an economics course. When possible, I’d also recommend European history, world history, or government. I’d incorporate teaching how ethics and religion tie into any of the aforementioned classes.

Science: Instead of just concentrating on biology, chemistry and physics, I love the fact that our high school offers geology and environmental science. The last one is probably most likely to be used in the future by the most students. I’d also include some sort of computer science course in the science curriculum.

Foreign Language: I dream of the day when every American child is bilingual by the time they leave high school. I wish more kids could attend language immersion schools at younger ages, and feel confident in their language abilities by the time they enter high school. But since that’s not likely to happen soon, I’d propose that schools make more of an effort to reduce class sizes in foreign languages. Learning a foreign language requires that kids have the chance to practice it with a seasoned speaker, and that can’t happen when you have 35 kids in a class.

Physical Education: Forget running around the track and doing calisthenics. Kids should do fun activities and sports in P.E. so that they learn to enjoy exercise, and perhaps find something they’ll enjoy doing for the rest of their lives. Also, instead of requiring kids to take P.E. for 5 hours a week for freshman and sophomore years and 0 hours for junior and senior years, require 2.5 hours a week for all four years. Spread it out so that they can continue to stay in shape.

Electives: There are already many fine electives that well-funded American high schools offer, including art, drama and music. Here are a few that are often not taught:

• Accounting: Unless you’re some sort of business major in college, you probably won’t take accounting. And yet, it’s important for most people in their lives and careers. I think many high school students could handle and would benefit from an accounting class.
• Family Life / Health / Sex Ed.: Teach kids the basics of running a household, keeping healthy, and family planning.
• Typing: Supposedly kids learn it in elementary school, but I’m skeptical. Typing is so important to so many careers these days, so I’d make sure kids have this basic skill down pat.

Other notes:

• Class size: In order to implement these suggestions, class sizes would have to be small enough for teachers to give students individual attention in both the classroom and when grading papers.
• # of periods per day: Schools need to divide their school day into more than six periods to accomplish these goals.
• Teacher quality: As I’ve said in this blog before, I wish that schools had more freedom and resources to reward teachers that do a great job, mentor teachers that need help, and let go of teachers that aren’t working out in the classroom. I also wish that there were more ways to give feedback about teacher quality.
• Standardized testing: Find a way to reduce it: kids are spending too much time being tested when they could be learning. For example, if a kid achieves a certain score on the PSAT, don’t make him take the CAHSEE (CA High School Exit Exam). Don’t require the SAT II if a kid is enrolled in an AP class.

This is just a partial list. I’m sure I’d think of more things if I weren’t so determined to post this today. Please add your comments and suggestions!

My favorite online college search sites

Posted on 10. Apr, 2009 by kchristieh in cool websites, education, parenting

This week my family took tours of five colleges and drove through several more, all in the quest to find schools that would match our teenagers’ interests, talents and personalities.

Visiting the schools when classes were in session was invaluable. It was important for my kids to see what the students were like, and to see whether they could imagine themselves fitting in with them. My kids were also very concerned with school energy and spirit, so it was good for them to see which schools shined or failed in that department.

We did lots of research beforehand, also. We purchased several college guides, including one that included student reviews, and copied the relevant pages and brought them with us on our trip. I also looked up all the schools we considered visiting on our trip on the internet. I especially appreciated student review sites. I kept in mind that there will always be disgruntled people at any school, but I looked for trends in the comments.

We’ve only scratched the surface for visiting colleges, so I’ve started a College Resource page on this blog. You can either click here to visit it, or find it in the list of pages to the right. I’ll continue to update it as I find more useful college resource sites. It includes much of the same information that I’ve put on our high school PTSA website, www.lchs912.org.

Hope it helps!

Spiffing up the school

Posted on 29. Mar, 2009 by kchristieh in education, things that bug me

Yesterday I attended Servathon at La Canada High School. Throngs of students and parents descended upon campus to plant, paint, scrub and scrape. Imagine our horror when we saw this new graffiti on the front of the cafeteria. I’ve never seen graffiti at our high school, and neither had the boys that were with me.

It didn’t take long for Assistant Principal Kevin Buchanan to spring into action and paint over the offensive scrawlings.

All over campus there were kids planting new plants,

and cleaning lockers.

My brave crew found a dark hallway on the third floor that was clearly at the bottom of the list for preferred locker spaces. Many of the lockers didn’t have locks on them, so we opened them up to see if there was anything inside we needed to clean up.

We struck the motherlode when we opened this locker. It was full of abandoned sandwiches and other lunch items. They were crawling with bugs and maggots. Why can’t kids just throw them out? Or better yet, eat them when they’re fresh? Kids in developing nations would be stunned.  :(

We were amazed at how much dirt there was.

We found this in one of the lockers. We’re not taking it personally.

STD rates among teens and young adults

Posted on 26. Mar, 2009 by kchristieh in education, parenting, startling statistics

Today my Parent Ed. class finished up a series about teens and sex. Besides the risk of pregnancy and adverse emotional issues, one of the big reasons parents want their kids to not have sex is so that they can avoid contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Which made us wonder…what are the rates of STDs among teens? I’ve heard they’re high, as demonstrated by these oft-repeated statistics:

One in two sexually active youth will contract an STD by age 25.

Half of all new HIV infections occur among adolescents. (5)

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, here are infection rates for the major STDs. Where I could find them, I included the rates for teens and young adults.

Of course, these statistics vary greatly by socioeconomic class, ethnicity, living situation and other factors.

I was surprised to see that there were so many more HPV and genital herpes cases. I also didn’t realize that the vaccine preventable-HPV strain was such a small fraction of all HPV cases. When you add these together, and consider that some people are counted in more than one disease category, it wouldn’t add up to 50%. However, the statistic at top was for sexually active people, so that makes sense.

Whether you think you or your child is at a high risk or a low risk, it’s better to be careful.

Sources:
(1)    http://www.cdc.gov/std/stats07/adol.htm
(2)    http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance/basic.htm#hivaidsage
(3)    http://www.cdc.gov/STD/stats07/other.htm#HPV
(4)    http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/g/genital_herpes/stats.htm
(5)    http://www.ashastd.org/pdfs/ASHA_05.final.pdf

I’m not a “cool” parent, but that’s the way I like it

Posted on 14. Feb, 2009 by kchristieh in my life, parenting, things that bug me

Many years ago, I was awakened in the middle of the night by shouting in front of our house. I was amazed to see what looked like a scene out of “West Side Story,” where the Sharks and the Jets square off against each other. I called 911, and was taken aback when the operator asked if there were any weapons involved. But then, a few seconds later, I saw a guy pull a knife out of his back pocket. The Sheriff’s deputies soon arrived, and the party that these people had spilled out of broke up.

Here’s the most amazing part: the next thing I saw was the father from the house the party was at step out of his side door and dump a bunch of bottles into his recycling bin! Yes indeed, the parents had been home the whole time. The father was in his bathrobe, so he’d probably been holed up in his bedroom, but he had to have had a clue about what was going on.

Powder Springs, Georgia police allege that 43-year-old Kecia Evangela Whitfield also had a clue about what was going on the night of Jan. 24th. She allegedly served alcohol to her stepson and his friends, one of whom, 16-year-old Garrett Reed, subsequently crashed his car into an oncoming vehicle and died. She’s been charged with serving alcohol to a minor and reckless conduct, and could wind up spending a year in jail and thousands of dollars in fines.

Why would a parent (or stepparent) do that? Are they trying to be “cool”? Do they think “everyone” does it? Are they just trying to protect their own child by letting him drink at home, even as they endanger the lives of the other children and people on the road?

I don’t understand the logic here. Please be assured that if your child ever visits my house, I’ll be doing everything in my power to make sure this doesn’t happen.

Students need a grievance process so they don’t resort to extreme measures

Posted on 08. Feb, 2009 by kchristieh in education

Imagine this:

• A high school student completes the in-class assignment and hands it in. Weeks later, the teacher finally marks the grades in the online computer program and gives the student a 0, saying he didn’t complete the assignment. The student complains to the teacher, explaining that he was in class that day and handed in the assignment, but the teacher refuses to even check the attendance record. The 0 stands.
• A student is absent, and when he attends class the next day he asks the teacher what was assigned. The teacher mentions one item, but neglects to mention the other. The following day, when the teacher asks for both items, the student says he only knew about one. The teacher says he should have found out from the other students, and gives the student a 0 for the assignment.
• A student receives an assignment back from a teacher that has a grade on it, but no explanation. When the student asks the teacher for an explanation, explaining that he’s not complaining about the grade but wants to learn from his mistakes, the teacher is not able to explain the grade.
• A student’s paper is graded by a student in another class. The name on the paper is not hidden. The student in the other class doesn’t like the student who’s paper he’s grading, so he gives him a bad grade. The teacher counts the student grade for the assignment.

I’ve heard of all of these (and others) happening, but to the best of my knowledge, none of these were pursued any further. Many students and their parents are too afraid to complain about unfair situations, because they are afraid that the teachers involved will take it out on the student for the rest of the year. I can definitely sympathize.

I also sympathize with Katherine Evans, who was a high school honor student when she became frustrated with a teacher’s refusal to help her with assignments and reproach when she missed class for a blood drive. She was angry enough to post the following on Facebook:

“To those select students who have had the displeasure of having Ms. Sarah Phelps, or simply knowing her and her insane antics: Here is the place to express your feelings of hatred.”

I wouldn’t advise my kids to post that on Facebook, but it wasn’t a threat and it was no worse than what kids talk about to each other over the lunch table. Unfortunately, Katherine’s school disagreed, and two months after she posted and removed that, she was suspended for three days. She’s now fighting to remove that from her record so that it doesn’t hurt her chances of getting into graduate school or hamper her employment opportunities.

Katherine’s not the only one who complains about teachers on Facebook. A quick search of the term “worst teacher” will connect you with many Facebook groups that have formed in reaction to reviled teachers. Again, I think it’s mean and risky for a kid to join a group like that and to post on its wall, but unless it’s a threat to the teacher, I think it should be considered free speech.

The root of the problem is that students don’t have a fair grievance process when faced with an unfair situation. To be sure, there are some teachers who respect the students they teach and are willing to admit mistakes and rectify their wrongs, and there are many teachers who are careful enough to avoid these problems. Also, there are some students (and parents) who have no problem being a “squeaky wheel” and complaining about a problem. But the bulk of the students and parents I know keep their mouths shut in fear of retribution.

That’s sad. I think there should be a way for students to advocate for themselves without fear of having it backfire on them. I also think that all teachers should be encouraged to to take student concerns seriously and treat them with respect. School districts should also be sure not to give teachers such an oppressive workload that they’re tempted to cut corners and compromise the learning and grading process.

These things would take cultural changes, more supervision, an actual grievance process and more money for smaller class sizes. It’s a tough bill. But I hope it happens, because in the meantime it’s breeding a generation of cynical, cowering students.

PS – If you want a mood boost, search for the term “best teacher” on Facebook. You’ll be impressed by how many teachers have fan clubs and groups dedicated to honoring them and sharing favorite memories. I wish there were more teachers like these!!

It’s much better than a text message

Posted on 08. Oct, 2008 by kchristieh in education, parenting

It still bugs me that the kids at our local high school feel they need to make a big production out of asking each other to dances. They’re not content to merely say, “Would you please go to the dance with me?” No way! Instead, they make big signs to display at football games, write poems, bake treats, and so, so much more. It’s tough when the person being invited doesn’t want to go, and feels pressure to say “yes” since the person asking went to such an effort, and it’s devastating when a person goes to a big effort only to be shut down. It’s also tough to be one of the people who doesn’t get asked when it’s such a big deal when people do get asked.

But I’m softening in that position. I thought back to my high school years, and even when I wasn’t 100% enthused about going to a dance with someone, I would say “yes” and make sure to have a good time. I also read a newspaper article recently that lamented that kids still ask each other to homecoming via text message, and I don’t think that shows as much respect and enthusiasm as doing something special.

From now on, I won’t complain as much about the effort that our local kids go to when asking each other to dances. I just hope they have a good idea of how the person will respond before they ask. I also hope they do just as much someday when it’s their anniversary or their spouse’s birthday.
Besides, it’s really cute when the invitee responds by doing something special, like this:

Those are rose petals. Awww!!!

On the other hand, perhaps the easiest solution is just to go to a dance without a date. It frees you up to dance with whomever you want!

Every senior’s worst nightmare, solved

Posted on 26. Jun, 2008 by kchristieh in education, movies, my life

When I was a senior in high school, I applied to six colleges. That was a lot for 1981, but these days kids are often advised to apply to nine or more. Today I read about a guy who applied to 18 – and got into 17 of them!

My worst nightmare was that I wouldn’t get into any. I remember how relieved I was when I got my first acceptance letter. At least I knew I’d go somewhere, and I could exhale and relax.

But what if you don’t get in anywhere? What do you do? If you’re the main characters in the movie Accepted, you start your own college. I was too tired to work this evening, but had to stay up late to pick up my son, so I watched this on HBO with my teenage daughter. It was actually pretty good (though it completely deserved its PG-13 rating), and brought up some good topics for discussion. (fraternities, following your passion, how long four years is) It’s a silly movie, but it was the sort of brain candy we needed now that school’s out and she’s gearing up for a tough junior year.

Local man lures girls via MySpace, other sites

Posted on 28. May, 2008 by kchristieh in parenting, social networking

The next time I give a presentation to parents about social networking, I want to remember to tell them about this story that happened a few towns over. It’s unusual, and hardly ever occurs, but clearly it can happen, and nearby. Here’s a long excerpt from today’s Pasadena Star News:

Suspect allegedly lured teens on Internet

LOS ANGELES – A federal grand jury indicted a 33-year-old Monrovia man Tuesday, claiming he seduced 10 teenage girls over the Internet, had sex with them and took pornographic photos of the girls.

The indictment accuses 33-year-old Gregory Serrano of San Gabriel of 23 crimes, including using the Internet to entice minors, producing and possessing child pornography and destroying evidence.

Local authorities have charged Serrano, a graduate of Walnut High School, with 20 additional counts of child molestation stemming from incidents dating to June 2006.

Serrano allegedly used “social networking sites on the Internet to convince high school-age girls to have sex with him and pose for pornographic pictures,” U.S. Attorney’s Office spokesman Thom Mrozek said in a written statement.

Monrovia police Lt. Richard Wagnon described the allegations against Serrano as one of the worst child molestation cases he’s ever seen.

Ten girls between the ages of 13 and 17 have been identified as victims. Officials believe other victims have yet to come forward, said United States Attorney Joey Blanch.

Investigators discovered pornographic photographs in Serrano’s possession that depict victims other than the 10 already identified, Blanch said.

Serrano used Web sites like myspace.com, netlog.com and myyearbook.com to target his victims, Mrozek said.

How can someone justify such evil to themselves?

Scary man on Facebook befriends local kids

Posted on 14. May, 2008 by kchristieh in parenting, social networking

Would you want this man to be your child’s Facebook friend?

Unfortunately, this person had “friended” 17 of our local freshmen and sophomores before I was able to figure out how to report him and ask Facebook to shut him down.*

Big kudos to Facebook: within minutes, he disappeared from the site.

Parents, this is one more reason to make sure you discuss internet safety with your kids and have a good idea of what they’re doing online. This guy’s Wall included comments from kids saying, “Who are you?” but they “friended” him anyway.

I just got lucky to see this…but I may not next time. I’ve never seen anything like this before, on either MySpace or Facebook, and I don’t want to again. Let’s all be on the lookout for our kids’ safety.

By the way, this also prompted me to make sure my kids have their profiles set so that only friends can see them. Otherwise, even if my kids are being careful about who they friend, some sketchy guy who’s their friend’s friend would be able to see their profile. Yikes!

* I was able to see his profile, and clicked on “Report” at the bottom of his page. However, I don’t see that at the bottom of all pages. When I clicked on Help / Safety & Security / Report Abuse, I filled out a form, hit submit, and got the error message to the right.

“Bloom where you are planted.”

Posted on 29. Apr, 2008 by kchristieh in education, parenting, quotes

That’s my favorite quote from today’s NY Times article about college admissions (or lack thereof): College’s High Cost, Before You Even Apply. The message: kids (and parents) should mellow out and not define themselves by the “prestige” of the college that accepts them.

Students complain about lack of sleep, stomach pain and headaches, but doctors and educators also worry that stress tied to academic achievement can lead to depression, eating disorders and other mental health problems.

“There are some kids who can handle it,” says Denise Pope, a Stanford University education lecturer and author of , a book about stress and academics. “But some of these kids have had college on the brain since sixth or seventh grade or even earlier. When you have that kind of stress over that kind of time, that’s where it starts to worry us.”

Ms. Pope is trying to teach students and parents to get some perspective:

“College admission is how a lot of people are defining success these days,” says Dr. Pope, founder of the group. “We want to challenge people to achieve the healthier form of success, which is about character, well-being, physical and mental health and true engagement with learning”

Amen to that! I hope my children work hard but retain balance in their lives, develop healthy relationships with others, and stay ethical (no cheating or Ritalin!) in their quest for excellence. I hope they’re genuinely excited about where they wind up going to college, and make the most of wherever they go.

Why I finally let my daughter have a Facebook page

Posted on 13. Feb, 2008 by kchristieh in my life, parenting

After much consideration, I finally made my daughter’s day and told her she could have a page. Here’s why:

• She’s 16, and I think she’s mature enough to handle it
• Our church youth leaders announce upcoming events on Facebook
• She agreed to be my “friend”
• She’s going to give me her user name and password
• She’s only going to be “friends” with people she’s met in person
• We agreed upon her privacy settings
• I’ve been exploring Facebook lately, and I think it’s safer than MySpace

I envy my kids’ generation. They have so many more ways to bond and keep the communities that they build than I ever did. Once they graduate, they’ll still have their friends’ cell phone numbers, Facebook pages and email addresses to help keep in touch. I’ve lost track of all but a few of my high school classmates. Then again, I do keep in touch with the ones I care the most about.

I also get the impression that there’s more mixing between social groups because of Facebook. Some kids have friends online that they probably would never eat lunch with. Even so, because they’re “friends,” I think they have at least a modicum of sympathy and respect for the other person. Even though there can be online bullying, maybe it nets out to be less bullying overall since people don’t bully “friends.”

I’ve been more impressed with the culture of Facebook than that of MySpace. People generally use their real names and personas, probably because they’re accountable to whichever groups they belong to. I’m also glad that I can’t see personal details of my daughter’s friends unless they’re also my friends.

Going through high school with a conjoined twin

Posted on 11. Feb, 2008 by kchristieh in disabilities, inspirational people

Here’s a featuring conjoined twin girls, Abby and Brittany Hensel, who were born in 1990 and live in Minnesota. They have two spines, two stomachs, three lungs and two arms. Even so, they lead incredibly normal teenage lives, and have great attitudes. According to Wikipedia, they play sports, play piano, and even drive. They’re on track to graduate from high school this year.

One mom’s view on Jamie Lynn Spears’ pregnancy

Posted on 19. Dec, 2007 by kchristieh in parenting, tv

I recently asked my daughter if Jamie Lynn Spears was following in big sister Britney’s footsteps. My daughter didn’t think so, but all that went out the window when we found out that Jamie Lynn, who’s only 16, is pregnant by her 18-year-old boyfriend. Not surprisingly, my kids said this was a major conversation topic at our local high school today.

I feel sorry for her. We all mess up, but some of us mess up in bigger and more public ways than others. So, in the spirit of forgiveness, I’d like to highlight two positive things that she’s done. First, she’s taking responsibility for her own actions. She’s not making excuses, and she admits she made a stupid mistake. Second, she’s not aborting the baby. There are many, many more Hollywood and non-Hollywood teen pregnancies we never even hear of because they don’t make it to term. At least this baby will get a chance to live.

(On the other hand, rumors that her parents knew that her boyfriend crashed at her condo and that she’s sold the rights to the baby pictures are pretty disturbing. It’s probably a good thing that the publication of .)

Of course, the positive things she’s done don’t begin to mitigate that this a nightmare for her and her parents. One of my buddies and I have boiled down all parenting rules to these: don’t get pregnant or get someone else pregnant and don’t do anything that brings harm to yourself or others. If you can manage not to do those, anything else you achieve is icing on the cake. And of course, we all want a cake with lots of icing. Right now, the Spears parents have lots of pricey crumbs.

When I first heard the news, I thought that perhaps it would encourage other teens to get pregnant. However, the sentiment I’m hearing is that kids think she did a really stupid thing. We can only hope. I don’t envy the parents of young fans of Jamie Lynn’s hit show, Zoey 101. It’s no fun . Then again, those parents didn’t have to explain Monica Lewinsky to that child like I did to mine. Oy!

How to Survive Your Teenager

Posted on 07. Dec, 2007 by kchristieh in books, parenting

I’ve decided that parenting a teen is like trying to lose weight: everyone has a different idea of what works, and what works for one teenager won’t necessarily work for another.

That was the main lesson I gleaned from by Hundreds of Still-Sane Parents Who Did. About 30 parents discussed this book today at the first meeting of this year’s PTA book club. I started the book club last year when I was a junior high PTA president, and it was so successful we decided to do it again. Even though my kids are both in high school now, I included the junior high parents, since I’d miss them if they weren’t there. (Aww!)

The book includes quotes about parenting teenagers from parents with often completely different perspectives. For example, here are two quite disparate pieces of advice:

“I don’t disapprove of drugs. At my daughter’s high school, a lot of the kids smoke pot. It became apparent to me that she would smoke pot soon. And so I told her to smoke it at home, instead of out in the street where she could get arrested.”

“Those commercials that tell you to talk to your kids about drugs – they are right! I always thought it could be really uncomfortable and awkward to do that, but it is definitely effective.”

No wonder it’s hard to be a parent! I got some good advice from the book, but I didn’t think that all of the advice in the book would work for me or my kids. One of the moms at our meeting summed up the overarching theme of the book in one word: communication. We all agreed that the more honest communication you have with your child, the better.

Several parents came up to me afterwards and said how much they appreciated hearing that other families are just as imperfect as theirs. We all try hard, but none of us, parents or kids, is perfect. It’s comforting to know that others have the same struggles we do, and meetings like this really help to bring our community together.

I’m already looking forward to our next meeting.

New business concept: safe & healthy teen hangouts

Posted on 28. Sep, 2007 by kchristieh in parenting

Here’s a brilliant concept: create teen hangouts that incorporate fitness, tutoring, food and a safe place to relax.

That’s the idea behind O2 Max, a new fitness center opening up for teens in El Segundo, CA. The center will include classes in Budokon, Hip-Hop, Yoga, Spin, Martial Arts, and more, as well as SAT prep. and Princeton Review tutoring. There will be basketball leagues, sports training, exercise classes, special events and concerts.

I wish we had one in La Canada!!! My church is planning on opening up its new youth facility one afternoon a week soon. This is a step in the right direction!

I found out about this when one of the founders, Karen Jashinsky, emailed me and invited me to a kickoff event in Beverly Hills this Sunday. I can’t make it (soccer!), but if you’re in the area, check it out. They’ll have all sorts of bands and giveaways, and it sounds like fun!

How do you advertise a youth group home?

Posted on 20. Aug, 2007 by kchristieh in art, non-profits, videos

How would you advertise a youth group home? Because of privacy considerations, you probably can’t picture the kids that live there. Also, it’s a pretty heavy topic, but you don’t want the ad to be negative.

A recent Santa Cruz Sentinel article mentioned talented illustrator Benjamin Arthur, and his breakout animation “.” When I clicked on “More from this user,” I found for Youth Homes, located in Missoula, Montana. It was made using a technique called rotoscoping, a “technique in which animators trace over live-action film movement, frame by frame, for use in animated films.”

The ad depicts some of the kids that Youth Homes has helped, and you can hear them telling their compelling stories. It’s very poignant, but upbeat. This sounds like a great organization!

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Why do teens do stupid things?

Posted on 22. Jun, 2007 by kchristieh in articles, my life, parenting, tv

Now that both my kids are in high school, we frequently discuss why some kids are making poor choices regarding sex, drugs and alcohol. Here are a few theories my kids have come up with:

• The kids are bored
• They’re not supervised
• They have free time because they’re not in sports and they don’t do their homework
• They have enough money to buy drugs
• They want to fit in

Whenever I challenge these, my kids rightfully say I shouldn’t attack them, because they’re not doing these things. They’re right – I’m just expressing my frustration, because none of these are good reasons to make dangerous choices.

But what can be done to prevent kids from making these choices? Other than the fact that drunk driving rates are half of what they were 20 years ago, kids are still doing the same stupid things kids did when I was in high school. This is in spite of abstinence education, red ribbon week, character education, etc.

In today’s NYTimes editorial, When Preaching Flops, David Brooks says

Deciding is conscious and individual, but perceiving is subconscious and communal. The teen sex programs that actually work don’t focus on the sex. They focus on the environment teens live in. They work on the substratum of perceptions students use to orient themselves in the world. They don’t try to lay down universal rules, but apply the particular codes that have power in distinct communities. They understand that changing behavior changes attitudes, not the other way around.

I’m not sure exactly what he’s recommending, but it sounds like he’d definitely scrap programs that just throw a bunch of aphorisms at kids. I think that aphorisms are useful to define a community’s beliefs, but otherwise agree that they’re not likely to change behavior.

So what would I prescribe? Here are some initial ideas:

• More parental involvement and awareness (but how can we reach the parents who really need it?)
• Smaller class sizes so teachers could have a better idea of what’s really going on
• More afterschool activities for kids (though I think some kids would be bored even if Disneyland were down the street and the ocean were up the street)
• No World of Warcraft or Halo to suck up (mostly) boys’ time
• No music videos that normalize skanky dance moves, revealing clothing and promiscuous culture

Anyone have any other ideas? It’s painful to see great kids making poor choices, and if there were anything we could implement in our community, it would be rewarding to help save some of these kids from themselves.

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The parents did everything right, but it happened anyway

Posted on 18. Jun, 2007 by kchristieh in articles, parenting, technical

One big lesson I’ve learned as a parent and as a friend of other parents is that doing everything right as a parent doesn’t guarantee that your kids will make good decisions or that they’ll be safe.

That truth turned tragic in the case of Kristin Helms. She was only 14 when she met a 27-year-old Texas man on MySpace. When her parents found out, they closed down her MySpace page and took away her computer privileges. But Kristin continued to communicate with the man via other computers and by phone. He led her down a slippery path to the point where she agreed to meet him near her home in Lake Forest, CA, and had sex with him twice. He cut off the relationship, and she was very upset.

At this point she did the right thing: she told her parents. They did the right thing, too: they supported her, surrounded her with love, and proceeded with prosecuting the man, who pleaded guilty.

But despite the support she received, Kristin still struggled with so much depression that she committed suicide. Today, a year later, her parents will sit at the sentencing of the man who raped her. It’s a small consolation, however, for it won’t get their daughter back.

I wish I could tell these parents how much my heart goes out to them. If I were in their shoes, I would have done the same things. I’m not sure that’s much of a takeaway lesson, but at least it shows that even when you do things right, bad things can happen. Perhaps the lesson should be to do all that the Helms’ did, but also tell your children about Kristin. Then her death won’t be for naught.

There’s a detailed story about Kristin in . I’ve added it to my MySpace Parents Safety Guide page.

POSTSCRIPT: The reports that Kiley Ryan Bowers was sentenced to 9 years in prison. He has expressed remorse for his actions.

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Track star teen dies from using too much pain cream

Posted on 10. Jun, 2007 by kchristieh in articles, health, parenting, sports

Here’s a sad story/cautionary tale reported in the Staten Island Advance:

A 17-year-old Notre Dame Academy track star died in April from a rare toxic dose of sports cream, the city Medical Examiner said yesterday.

Toxicology tests revealed that blood contained lethal amounts of methyl salicylate, the active ingredient in common muscle rubs like BenGay and Icy Hot, said Ellen Borakove, a spokeswoman for the medical examiner’s officer. The petite teen accidentally used “topical medication to an excess,” causing poisons to accumulate in her body over an undetermined amount of time, Ms. Borakove said.

The overdose likely led to a seizure.

I made sure to show this to my cross-country runner daughter, and warned her against using pain creams too much. I wish we knew how much is too much, however.

Cross-country running scares me. I prefer Curves.

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Depression is less likely in children who are hip to what peers think of them — good or bad.

Posted on 30. Oct, 2006 by kchristieh in education, parenting

When a kid tells another kid she’s being weird, is that good or bad? We tell kids to be nice to one another, and not say things like that. And yet, if the child who’s acting strange isn’t aware of it, she may never have an incentive to change, and may always wonder why the kids are nice to her at school yet never invite her to birthday parties.

Today’s LA Times article, Truth is, it’s best if they know, says that kids who don’t have a realistic view of what their peers think of them are more likely to become depressed.

She and fellow researchers found that the child who is not regarded well by peers — and knows it — is actually less likely to grow more depressed over time than the child who believes that classmates like him when, in fact, they don’t. The kid who can see that he is not so well-liked may be better able to change his behavior to make friends, Kistner says. The kid who’s clueless about her effect on classmates may grow frustrated and sad as she misses social cues and fumbles gestures of friendship.

“Realistic perceptions,” Kistner says, “are a hallmark of mental health.”

As I so often say, it’s important when expectation matches reality. So, it’s a fine line kids must tred when dealing with a kid who is annoying. They shouldn’t be mean, but it might help to somehow let the kid know the effect she has on others.

Convincing kids not to drink or do drugs

Posted on 27. Oct, 2006 by kchristieh in education, health

There’s no better testimony for something good or bad than someone who’s experienced it themselves. That’s why I think that today’s Red Ribbon Week speaker was so effective. (For those who don’t know, Red Ribbon Week is a PTA program designed to educate kids about the dangers of substance abuse.)

The speaker, a former writer for a top comedy show, is a recovered alcoholic and drug addict. He spoke very frankly about how he got to a point so low that he lost his job, his friends, his girlfriend, and his own self-worth. Some of his descriptions were pretty graphic, but I bet they’ll stick in kids’ minds for a long time. My son said that the kids say it’s the best assembly they’ve ever seen, and they’ve see a lot of assemblies over the years.

Our PTA’s aim was to make Red Ribbon Week more substantive this year than it has been in the past, and I think we succeeded. If this guy’s talk persuades even one kid not to go down a bad path, then it’s all worthwhile.