Stressing out at the fork in the road

Posted on 16. Mar, 2010 by kchristieh in education

‘Tis the season when high school seniors across the country run to the mailbox each day hoping that a big, thick envelope from the university of their choice has arrived. Until it arrives, the internet makes it easy to track how others have fared, and stress out about what that means for you or your child.

Traditional college information sites such as Princeton Review, Students Review, etc. are most useful before a student applies or after they’re accepted at a college. When you’re awaiting a response, it’s easy to get addicted to College Confidential, which hosts discussion forums on a variety of different topics and different colleges. If you’re even moderately stressed about the application process, you should proceed with caution. Once you start scanning the forums for the schools you’re applying to, you might get hooked. And chances are, your level of stress will go up, not down.

Here are some sample postings:

From the Stanford forum:

I’m hosed and depressed
I get straight A’s, but somehow my rank is 27…my classes are challenging. I don’t understand how this could happen. My friend has the exact same schedule as me but is ranked 21. I used to be rank 3 or 4. I don’t understand. I haven’t even met anyone ranked higher than me, I don’t know who these people are that are beating me. Are they tanking extra classes? I don’t know.

My chances of going to Stanford are gone now…my rank was the only thing I had going for me. All I have left are essays. Please, someone help me.

From the UCLA forum:

Welcome in my world everyone !
EVERY SINGLE PERSON told me I had good chances to get into UCLA. And yesterday night, I checked and got rejected.. People with waaaay lower scores than me got in and not me !
Even more, it was my first answer, and almost all of my other choices are Ivy Leagues..
What should I think now ?!

From the Yale forum:

I heard that Yale accepts only 1 person per school, no matter the size or reputation, no matter what. Is this true?

A response to the Yale post read:

as everyone has said, this is untrue. the fact that there is usually only one per year at some mediocre schools is probably due to the quality of the student more than to the quality of the school. it has been true in my case, but as i said that is probably due to the quality of the applicant in my school/town, not to any quota system.

Another useful but possibly-stress-inducing site is the Scattergrams section of Naviance. I believe you can only access this through a specific high school account, but many high schools offer this to their students. It plots how students at a given high school have fared when applying to a specific college, with test scores on the x-axis and GPA on the y-axis. A green dot means a student got in, and a red x means they were rejected. Here’s an example. I removed the college name, since this reflects the students at a specific high school.

Of course, don’t forget Facebook. When letters come from a given college, many kids post whether they were accepted or not.

A friend reminded me the other day that “College is not a prize to be won, but a match to be made.” Wise words to remember. I can’t wait until April 1st, I think.

How do I communicate with you? Let me count the ways…

Posted on 04. Feb, 2010 by kchristieh in social networking

It’s ironic that what is meant to make our lives simpler often complicates them.

Even though new technologies have given us more effective means of communicating, my communications are complicated by the fact that I have to keep track of how all the different people in my life prefer to communicate. Here’s a short version of the list I maintain in my brain:

• Son: Facebook, text messaging
• Daughter: Facebook, email, text messaging
• Husband: Facebook, email, call work phone not cell phone
• Mother: Email, home phone, some Facebook
• Father & stepmother: Email, cell phone, home phone depending on which state they’re in
• Sister: Home phone
• Stepfather: Email
• Aunt: Email
• Brother-in-law: Texting, Facebook, email
• Lisa: Email, or she’ll call me on the way to work
• Monica: Email, texting
• Jaclyn & Holly: Facebook, texting, email
• Grandparents: Email, home phone

Of course, face-to-face interaction is the best, but that’s not always possible. Thankfully, I’m comfortable using all of these forms of communication.

This list is constantly evolving. My son will need to start checking his email over the next year as his guidance counselor and colleges start emailing him information. My mother will eventually get more comfortable on Facebook, and I hope that my father and stepparents will give in and join Facebook.

I’ll get a smarter cellphone in the next year or two, and will probably start depending on it more. Until then, when people send picture messages to my phone, I can’t see them well enough to distinguish if they’re pictures of babies or dogs.

Maybe I’ll just start sending letters again. Probably not.

Note: The picture above depicts Ernestine, the character Lily Tomlin played in “Laugh-In.” I played that character in my elementary school play, and can still do a pretty mean Ernestine impression. Young’uns who aren’t familiar with Ernestine may enjoy this video where she explains her position on healthcare:

The luckiest person in La Canada

Posted on 28. Dec, 2009 by kchristieh in life lessons

One of my loyal blog readers sent me these pictures from a recent accident involving a local young man. He’s lucky to have walked away from this unscathed. Don’t text or fiddle around with your iPod when you drive, or this might happen to you. And you might not be so lucky.

I made sure to show these to my teens. Better to learn a lesson from someone else than to experience it on your own.

Click here to see sobering statistics regarding cellphone use and car accidents.

I use my cellphone in my Prius, but I never touch it since the Bluetooth is built into the display on the dash. In fact, the phone itself is usually in my purse in on the floor behind my seat. To make a phone call, I press a button on the steering wheel and then one button on the dash. It’s easier than turning the radio to another station. When I first got a cellphone, I’d hold it to my ear in the car. I would throw it onto the seat next to me if things got complicated with driving. Thankfully nothing bad ever happened. If I ever held my cellphone to my ear while driving now, I’d feel as vulnerable as if I rode without a seatbelt. And, I’d be breaking the law.

Lessons I never thought I’d need to teach my teens

Posted on 16. Dec, 2009 by kchristieh in life lessons, parenting

When I became a parent, I knew we’d have talks about s*x, drugs, working hard, etc. But here are a few things I’ve felt compelled to teach my teens that I never expected we’d discuss, or discuss so soon. Most have come up either because of stories we’ve heard, movies we’ve seen or articles I’ve read. I’ve repeated each of the following many times to my kids, and hope that they don’t have to experience these situations to realize the wisdom of my words.

Parties & Drinking:

• If someone passes out at a party, they’re asleep if you can rouse them and they can talk, but they’re unconscious if they can’t talk.
  • If they’re asleep, summon an adult and keep making sure you can wake them and that they’re sleeping on their side in case they throw up.
  • If they’re unconscious, call 911. (or this might happen)
• Don’t attend parties that don’t have adult supervision.
• If you’re at a party and your intuition is telling you that things are going downhill, get out fast.
• Always respectfully do what a police officer or Sheriff’s deputy asks.

Drugs:

• Marijuana can be laced with more deadly drugs.
• You can become addicted to meth the first time you use it. So don’t.

S*x:

• Besides potential pregnancy and emotional and reputation fallout, a big reason to avoid s*x outside of marriage is STDs.
• Condoms don’t always work, and oral contraceptives won’t prevent STDs.

Technology:

• Don’t let any pictures be taken of yourself that you’d be ashamed of showing up in public.
• Don’t join a Facebook group or friend someone just because all your friends have.
• Don’t let kids you don’t completely trust handle your cellphone.

Media:

• Can you imagine discussing Viagra or Monica Lewinsky with an elementary schooler? If your kids watch tv, you’ll have discussions about topics such as these. Just wait until you’re sitting on the couch next to them when a love scene in a movie comes on. Awkward!

P**n: (note: using ** so I don’t get banned by search engines)

• Even one look at p**n can embed an image you’ll always remember, so don’t look at it.
• Figure out what you’ll say if you’re at someone’s house and they start looking at or watching p**n.
• Today’s p**n is often much skankier than the stuff that was in magazines many years ago since pictures and videos don’t usually pass through editors before they’re posted on the internet.

Driving:

• Always look up Angeles Crest Highway before you turn onto it or cross it.
• If you don’t come to such a complete stop that the body of the car doesn’t back up a little bit, the local Sheriff’s deputies may give you a ticket. Better to do it and avoid traffic school.
• It doesn’t matter if “everyone else” is driving other kids before their first year of California driving is up: it’s illegal, there’s a good reason it’s illegal, and you’ll lose many privileges if you either drive someone else when you’re too young or you drive with someone else who isn’t old enough to drive you.
• Don’t let anyone into your car whom you think might have drugs on them, since they could leave the drugs in your car and you could get into trouble.
• Motorcycles are dangerous. Even if you are the safest driver with the safest bike, you’ve only got two wheels and can skid out if someone else cuts you off. Then, you’re completely vulnerable.

Weapons:

• If a kid shows you a gun and you’re not under competent adult supervision, get away as quickly as possible and tell an adult.
• If someone even jokes about shooting someone, take it seriously and report it.

Emotions:

• Any time someone talks about suicide, take it seriously.
• If someone breaks up with you, then they don’t value you enough, so you shouldn’t pine over them. (That’s a tough one.)

Forgiveness:

• Gossip hurts.
• It’s better if you come to me and let me know you messed up than for me to find out later or for the mess to get bigger.
• “Sorry” means you’re never going to do it again.
• Don’t follow “sorry” with “But.”
• Forgive others just as you wish to be forgiven.

I’m sure I’m missing some, and I welcome your suggestions.

LCHS ranks 80th in U.S.

Posted on 10. Dec, 2009 by kchristieh in education, local news, startling statistics

Go Spartans! US News & World Report has ranked La Canada High School as #80 among U.S. public high schools. The rankings are based largely on test performance, especially the AP test. Unlike Newsweek’s rankings, the US News methodology gives weight to how schools performed on statewide assessments.

From what I can tell, the only California schools that aren’t a magnet school or a charter school that are ahead of LCHS are Gunn (Palo Alto, #67), Monte Vista (Cupertino, #70) and Piedmont (#73). San Marino, which was the only public non-magnet, non-charter school to beat La Canada on API scores, wasn’t on the top 100 list.

This is wonderful news. All schools on this list should be proud.

It bears mentioning, however, that Gunn High School has been in the news recently because four of its students have committed suicide in the past year. Is it a coincidence that this is happening at the top school? I don’t think so.

I was surprised to see that my alma mater, Rumson-Fair Haven Regional High School (NJ), is even less diverse than when I attended. I assumed that nearly all U.S. high schools are more diverse these days. When I attended RFH, I think about 4% of my class was Black. These days only 1.4% of the school is, and less than 1% of the school is Asian.

Links:

• America’s Best High Schools: Gold Medal List
• California list
• Ranking methodology

How to kill a teen’s love of reading

Posted on 11. Aug, 2009 by kchristieh in books, education

Shouldn’t one of the goals of high school English be to emphasize the joy of reading? If so, then the following isn’t likely to achieve that goal:

• Step 1: Tell students which book they have to read. Don’t give them a choice.
• Step 2: Make them read it over the summer.
• Step 3: Require them to annotate at least three comments in the margins of every page.
• Repeat with several more books.

I know someone who’s annotating George Orwell’s this week. Instead of appreciating the greater themes at the pace that the author intended, this teen is slogging through this book so slowly that all the life is being sucked out of it. It’s bittersweet when a kid says, “It actually seems like a really good book, but I’m not able to enjoy it when I do this assignment.” Big Brother, can you hear this?

I told the child that hopefully they’d remember that reading can be fun, and that when they graduate they’ll rediscover that.

Links:

• A explaining why annotating is considered so valuable. I think it’s a recipe for sucking the fun out of reading.
• My list of Non-”Teen” Books for Teens, Plus Books for Boys. Please let me know if you have any books to add.

The perils and possibilities of the empty nest

Posted on 06. Jul, 2009 by kchristieh in animals, my life, parenting

Thank goodness my dog bolted to the yard yesterday morning, because he passed right over a baby bird that hadn’t survived long enough to even grow feathers. Later in the day, my husband said he found a dead baby bird, too. It was a bad day for birds to leave the nest.

But it was a good day for teenagers to leave the nest. Yesterday my husband and I both put “…have an empty nest” as our Facebook status without knowing the other had. Our daughter left for a month of living with a family and studying Spanish in Central America, and we dropped off our son at a techie camp at a local university. Early reports indicate that both are growing, thriving, and enjoying spreading their wings.

Parenting is a long, slow road, but every once in awhile you need to take a leap up to the next plateau. I feel like we did that this weekend, and so far so good…

Independence Day carolers spread the spirit of the 4th of July

Posted on 04. Jul, 2009 by kchristieh in food, inspirational people, local news, music

Three young patriots treated us to a striking rendition of “God Bless America” today. Thank goodness they came before we departed for that other great American tradition, In-N-Out!

The performance was capped off with an Apple Pie. What could be more American?

Happy 4th of July!

I never ate this well at school

Posted on 16. Jun, 2009 by kchristieh in education, food

Ah, the end of the school year. Finals, stress, searching for lost textbooks, and FOOD! The best food is that which earns extra credit.

Last night my teenage son made a Key Lime Pie all by himself for his end-of-year English class party. He used a recipe from our cookbook and even managed to cut the fancy lime slice to put on top. Maybe last summer’s get-off-the-couch-and-cook deal is paying off.

Sorry the picture’s not better. I figured I was lucky he even let me take one as he ran out the door.

The making of an Eagle Scout

Posted on 15. Jun, 2009 by kchristieh in inspirational people, my life, parenting

I was honored this evening to serve on the review panel for a local boy who was trying to get his Eagle Scout award. He had clearly worked quite hard for this, and taken the Boy Scout lessons to heart. He had glowing letters of recommendation praising his leadership abilities, enthusiasm, and diligence, and he and his parents were very articulate in explaining how much he’d learned and how much this meant to him. It was one of the most pleasurable committees I’ll probably ever serve on: it took about 1 millisecond for us to come to the unanimous conclusion that this boy clearly deserved to become an Eagle Scout.

I wish that my son had continued on in scouting past elementary school, but alas, club soccer won out. It’s not as if we have a strong family history of scouting: my husband didn’t continue on in scouting, and my father chose to go the DeMolay path instead of complete the few things he needed to do to become an Eagle Scout. I was actually a Boy Scout Computer Explorer Scout, and enjoyed playing on the computers at Bell Labs in high school, but we never had uniforms or oaths. Neither my daughter nor I continued with Girl Scouts past elementary school.

What is it that makes a kid stick with scouting? From what I heard tonight, and what my own family’s experience is, I’d say it depends upon:

• The quality of the leader
• Whether the child enjoys being with the other troop members
• Family tradition
• Competing demands
• Love of scouting

My father regrets not becoming an Eagle Scout. He says that when you’re an adult, there are very few accomplishments you can proudly note that you achieved in high school. One of them is becoming an Eagle Scout.

Even though he wasn’t an Eagle Scout, my dad’s a great guy anyway, as are the other guys in my life.

What is your calling?

Posted on 06. Jun, 2009 by kchristieh in quotes, religion, work

I had the privilege of speaking about my website design business at the 8th grade career day at the La Canada High School junior high school just over a week ago. After my sessions were over, I volunteered to take some pictures of Todd Johnson, a Fuller Theological Seminary professor, speaking to a group of kids. I know Todd already, so I knew he’d be wonderful, but I was curious to see how he’d handle a theological discussion in a public school.

He was perfect. He was very diplomatic, and stuck to the questions that the kids asked him. I was struck by how interested the kids were in deeper faith issues. I wish our kids had more opportunities to discuss theology. The Mormon church and Catholic schools do a wonderful job of this, but my kids don’t attend either of those. My teens get great support for questions of faith and life issues, but they don’t have as much of a biblical education as I wish they would. It’ll be interesting to see if they pursue that in college.

Anyway, I actually wrote down my favorite quote from Todd:

“Your calling is where your greatest joy meets the world’s greatest need.”

May we all find our calling.

It is a great quote, orginially from theologian Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking “…Vocation is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet…”

What high schools should really teach

Posted on 02. May, 2009 by kchristieh in education

Do you use everything you learned in high school? I doubt it. Aren’t there subjects you wish you’d studied in high school, or you wish that your children would learn? If I were in charge, here’s what I’d propose that students learn in high school in order to challenge them, excite them, and teach them lessons and skills that will enrich them and teach them to lead more productive lives:

Math: Teach geometry and algebra, but try to provide more real-life examples of when you’d use them. Instead of automatically moving kids on to trigonometry and calculus after that, encourage them to take logic and statistics. They’re much more useful, even in the teenage years. Can you imagine how cool it would be if a course could actually teach teens to be logical?

English: I wince when my sophomore son says, “I hate reading.” I don’t think he does, but I don’t blame him for saying it when he’s forced to annotate books written in non-standard English with adult themes. English class should teach kids to appreciate the power and beauty of our language, and give them the tools to comprehend and communicate. It’s important that they’re familiar with classic literature, but they’ll lose the joy of reading it if they have to pick it apart sentence by sentence. After all, that’s not what most authors intend when they write. As for contemporary literature, I’d empower kids by giving them choices, or at least not force them to read books with adult themes that perpetuate racial stereotypes. We should also expose our kids to great poetry, songs, speeches, and other forms of communication. As they learn what makes each work great, they should practice writing and speaking their own words and thoughts.

Social Studies: There’s not enough time in high school to cover all the social sciences needed to become an informed and responsible citizen, and I actually think that most high schools do an admirable job of trying. It’s important to take a general social studies course, an American history course (in America), and an economics course. When possible, I’d also recommend European history, world history, or government. I’d incorporate teaching how ethics and religion tie into any of the aforementioned classes.

Science: Instead of just concentrating on biology, chemistry and physics, I love the fact that our high school offers geology and environmental science. The last one is probably most likely to be used in the future by the most students. I’d also include some sort of computer science course in the science curriculum.

Foreign Language: I dream of the day when every American child is bilingual by the time they leave high school. I wish more kids could attend language immersion schools at younger ages, and feel confident in their language abilities by the time they enter high school. But since that’s not likely to happen soon, I’d propose that schools make more of an effort to reduce class sizes in foreign languages. Learning a foreign language requires that kids have the chance to practice it with a seasoned speaker, and that can’t happen when you have 35 kids in a class.

Physical Education: Forget running around the track and doing calisthenics. Kids should do fun activities and sports in P.E. so that they learn to enjoy exercise, and perhaps find something they’ll enjoy doing for the rest of their lives. Also, instead of requiring kids to take P.E. for 5 hours a week for freshman and sophomore years and 0 hours for junior and senior years, require 2.5 hours a week for all four years. Spread it out so that they can continue to stay in shape.

Electives: There are already many fine electives that well-funded American high schools offer, including art, drama and music. Here are a few that are often not taught:

• Accounting: Unless you’re some sort of business major in college, you probably won’t take accounting. And yet, it’s important for most people in their lives and careers. I think many high school students could handle and would benefit from an accounting class.
• Family Life / Health / Sex Ed.: Teach kids the basics of running a household, keeping healthy, and family planning.
• Typing: Supposedly kids learn it in elementary school, but I’m skeptical. Typing is so important to so many careers these days, so I’d make sure kids have this basic skill down pat.

Other notes:

• Class size: In order to implement these suggestions, class sizes would have to be small enough for teachers to give students individual attention in both the classroom and when grading papers.
• # of periods per day: Schools need to divide their school day into more than six periods to accomplish these goals.
• Teacher quality: As I’ve said in this blog before, I wish that schools had more freedom and resources to reward teachers that do a great job, mentor teachers that need help, and let go of teachers that aren’t working out in the classroom. I also wish that there were more ways to give feedback about teacher quality.
• Standardized testing: Find a way to reduce it: kids are spending too much time being tested when they could be learning. For example, if a kid achieves a certain score on the PSAT, don’t make him take the CAHSEE (CA High School Exit Exam). Don’t require the SAT II if a kid is enrolled in an AP class.

This is just a partial list. I’m sure I’d think of more things if I weren’t so determined to post this today. Please add your comments and suggestions!

My favorite online college search sites

Posted on 10. Apr, 2009 by kchristieh in cool websites, education, parenting

This week my family took tours of five colleges and drove through several more, all in the quest to find schools that would match our teenagers’ interests, talents and personalities.

Visiting the schools when classes were in session was invaluable. It was important for my kids to see what the students were like, and to see whether they could imagine themselves fitting in with them. My kids were also very concerned with school energy and spirit, so it was good for them to see which schools shined or failed in that department.

We did lots of research beforehand, also. We purchased several college guides, including one that included student reviews, and copied the relevant pages and brought them with us on our trip. I also looked up all the schools we considered visiting on our trip on the internet. I especially appreciated student review sites. I kept in mind that there will always be disgruntled people at any school, but I looked for trends in the comments.

We’ve only scratched the surface for visiting colleges, so I’ve started a College Resource page on this blog. You can either click here to visit it, or find it in the list of pages to the right. I’ll continue to update it as I find more useful college resource sites. It includes much of the same information that I’ve put on our high school PTSA website, www.lchs912.org.

Hope it helps!

Spiffing up the school

Posted on 29. Mar, 2009 by kchristieh in education, things that bug me

Yesterday I attended Servathon at La Canada High School. Throngs of students and parents descended upon campus to plant, paint, scrub and scrape. Imagine our horror when we saw this new graffiti on the front of the cafeteria. I’ve never seen graffiti at our high school, and neither had the boys that were with me.

It didn’t take long for Assistant Principal Kevin Buchanan to spring into action and paint over the offensive scrawlings.

All over campus there were kids planting new plants,

and cleaning lockers.

My brave crew found a dark hallway on the third floor that was clearly at the bottom of the list for preferred locker spaces. Many of the lockers didn’t have locks on them, so we opened them up to see if there was anything inside we needed to clean up.

We struck the motherlode when we opened this locker. It was full of abandoned sandwiches and other lunch items. They were crawling with bugs and maggots. Why can’t kids just throw them out? Or better yet, eat them when they’re fresh? Kids in developing nations would be stunned.  :(

We were amazed at how much dirt there was.

We found this in one of the lockers. We’re not taking it personally.

STD rates among teens and young adults

Posted on 26. Mar, 2009 by kchristieh in education, parenting, startling statistics

Today my Parent Ed. class finished up a series about teens and sex. Besides the risk of pregnancy and adverse emotional issues, one of the big reasons parents want their kids to not have sex is so that they can avoid contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Which made us wonder…what are the rates of STDs among teens? I’ve heard they’re high, as demonstrated by these oft-repeated statistics:

One in two sexually active youth will contract an STD by age 25.

Half of all new HIV infections occur among adolescents. (5)

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, here are infection rates for the major STDs. Where I could find them, I included the rates for teens and young adults.

Of course, these statistics vary greatly by socioeconomic class, ethnicity, living situation and other factors.

I was surprised to see that there were so many more HPV and genital herpes cases. I also didn’t realize that the vaccine preventable-HPV strain was such a small fraction of all HPV cases. When you add these together, and consider that some people are counted in more than one disease category, it wouldn’t add up to 50%. However, the statistic at top was for sexually active people, so that makes sense.

Whether you think you or your child is at a high risk or a low risk, it’s better to be careful.

Sources:
(1)    http://www.cdc.gov/std/stats07/adol.htm
(2)    http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance/basic.htm#hivaidsage
(3)    http://www.cdc.gov/STD/stats07/other.htm#HPV
(4)    http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/g/genital_herpes/stats.htm
(5)    http://www.ashastd.org/pdfs/ASHA_05.final.pdf

I’m not a “cool” parent, but that’s the way I like it

Posted on 14. Feb, 2009 by kchristieh in my life, parenting, things that bug me

Many years ago, I was awakened in the middle of the night by shouting in front of our house. I was amazed to see what looked like a scene out of “West Side Story,” where the Sharks and the Jets square off against each other. I called 911, and was taken aback when the operator asked if there were any weapons involved. But then, a few seconds later, I saw a guy pull a knife out of his back pocket. The Sheriff’s deputies soon arrived, and the party that these people had spilled out of broke up.

Here’s the most amazing part: the next thing I saw was the father from the house the party was at step out of his side door and dump a bunch of bottles into his recycling bin! Yes indeed, the parents had been home the whole time. The father was in his bathrobe, so he’d probably been holed up in his bedroom, but he had to have had a clue about what was going on.

Powder Springs, Georgia police allege that 43-year-old Kecia Evangela Whitfield also had a clue about what was going on the night of Jan. 24th. She allegedly served alcohol to her stepson and his friends, one of whom, 16-year-old Garrett Reed, subsequently crashed his car into an oncoming vehicle and died. She’s been charged with serving alcohol to a minor and reckless conduct, and could wind up spending a year in jail and thousands of dollars in fines.

Why would a parent (or stepparent) do that? Are they trying to be “cool”? Do they think “everyone” does it? Are they just trying to protect their own child by letting him drink at home, even as they endanger the lives of the other children and people on the road?

I don’t understand the logic here. Please be assured that if your child ever visits my house, I’ll be doing everything in my power to make sure this doesn’t happen.

Students need a grievance process so they don’t resort to extreme measures

Posted on 08. Feb, 2009 by kchristieh in education

Imagine this:

• A high school student completes the in-class assignment and hands it in. Weeks later, the teacher finally marks the grades in the online computer program and gives the student a 0, saying he didn’t complete the assignment. The student complains to the teacher, explaining that he was in class that day and handed in the assignment, but the teacher refuses to even check the attendance record. The 0 stands.
• A student is absent, and when he attends class the next day he asks the teacher what was assigned. The teacher mentions one item, but neglects to mention the other. The following day, when the teacher asks for both items, the student says he only knew about one. The teacher says he should have found out from the other students, and gives the student a 0 for the assignment.
• A student receives an assignment back from a teacher that has a grade on it, but no explanation. When the student asks the teacher for an explanation, explaining that he’s not complaining about the grade but wants to learn from his mistakes, the teacher is not able to explain the grade.
• A student’s paper is graded by a student in another class. The name on the paper is not hidden. The student in the other class doesn’t like the student who’s paper he’s grading, so he gives him a bad grade. The teacher counts the student grade for the assignment.

I’ve heard of all of these (and others) happening, but to the best of my knowledge, none of these were pursued any further. Many students and their parents are too afraid to complain about unfair situations, because they are afraid that the teachers involved will take it out on the student for the rest of the year. I can definitely sympathize.

I also sympathize with Katherine Evans, who was a high school honor student when she became frustrated with a teacher’s refusal to help her with assignments and reproach when she missed class for a blood drive. She was angry enough to post the following on Facebook:

“To those select students who have had the displeasure of having Ms. Sarah Phelps, or simply knowing her and her insane antics: Here is the place to express your feelings of hatred.”

I wouldn’t advise my kids to post that on Facebook, but it wasn’t a threat and it was no worse than what kids talk about to each other over the lunch table. Unfortunately, Katherine’s school disagreed, and two months after she posted and removed that, she was suspended for three days. She’s now fighting to remove that from her record so that it doesn’t hurt her chances of getting into graduate school or hamper her employment opportunities.

Katherine’s not the only one who complains about teachers on Facebook. A quick search of the term “worst teacher” will connect you with many Facebook groups that have formed in reaction to reviled teachers. Again, I think it’s mean and risky for a kid to join a group like that and to post on its wall, but unless it’s a threat to the teacher, I think it should be considered free speech.

The root of the problem is that students don’t have a fair grievance process when faced with an unfair situation. To be sure, there are some teachers who respect the students they teach and are willing to admit mistakes and rectify their wrongs, and there are many teachers who are careful enough to avoid these problems. Also, there are some students (and parents) who have no problem being a “squeaky wheel” and complaining about a problem. But the bulk of the students and parents I know keep their mouths shut in fear of retribution.

That’s sad. I think there should be a way for students to advocate for themselves without fear of having it backfire on them. I also think that all teachers should be encouraged to to take student concerns seriously and treat them with respect. School districts should also be sure not to give teachers such an oppressive workload that they’re tempted to cut corners and compromise the learning and grading process.

These things would take cultural changes, more supervision, an actual grievance process and more money for smaller class sizes. It’s a tough bill. But I hope it happens, because in the meantime it’s breeding a generation of cynical, cowering students.

PS – If you want a mood boost, search for the term “best teacher” on Facebook. You’ll be impressed by how many teachers have fan clubs and groups dedicated to honoring them and sharing favorite memories. I wish there were more teachers like these!!

Landing at a parent’s cellphone near you: Helicopter Children

Posted on 10. Nov, 2008 by kchristieh in my life, parenting

We parents can be so neurotic. We read articles and books and talk to other parents about everything from when to potty train to how to apply to college. Some parents cross the line and become Helicopter Parents, ready to swoop in and rescue their children from learning life’s lessons, even as they grow older.

Or so the media tells us. We’re often so anxious that we’ll believe any bad thing said about us!

It’s time for the Revenge of the Helicopter Parents. The truth is, it’s not just the parents who hover; it’s the kids, too! In Cell-Free: My Great Leap Backward, NY Times writer Michelle Slatella introduced me to a new term: Helicopter Children. All of a sudden, it all made sense:

“But for now, I was taking a break from my helicopter children. After months of feeling them hovering, constantly phoning my cell and going so far as to buzz me from another floor to ask if dinner was almost ready, I was feeling free.”

I can relate! A quick search of incoming text messages to my email address shows that my teens have:

• requested pasta for dinner
• asked me to confirm babysitting plans
• apologized for arguing on their way out the door
• asked me to bring a math spiral / lunch money / so much more to school
• asked to go to a friend’s house after school
• and lots more

I’m not complaining. I love that my kids and I can and do communicate in so many more ways than I ever could with my parents. I’m just happy to shift some of the burden of excessive communication to my kids, and realize that it’s not just me. Perhaps we’re co-dependent. I hope and believe that underneath it all, they’re independent, competent people who will find their own path in life. I’m just glad that they (hopefully) won’t completely abandon me.

A parent’s review of “Nick & Nora’s Infinite Playlist”

Posted on 09. Nov, 2008 by kchristieh in movies, parenting

I finally saw “Nick & Nora’s Infinite Playlist” with my family last night. We all enjoyed this story of NJ teens who spend a whole night gaining self-confidence, getting to know each other better and backing each other up as they search for their elusive favorite band. There were great lessons about true friendship, and not surprisingly, the movie had a great indie soundtrack. I’d give it four stars.

It was odd that no parents were shown in the movie. I guess that’s not surprising, since these kids clearly had complete freedom from parental restrictions. I can’t imagine letting my high schoolers run around in New York City until dawn. When I was a teen growing up in NJ, we never imagined doing this. At least the main characters made a point of saying they choose not to drink.

It was a bit awkward to watch with my kids, who were completely embarrassed when I softly whispered “you know that isn’t appropriate!” when there was an implied sexual encounter. At least it was implied – if it wasn’t, the movie wouldn’t just be rated PC-13. Even though it’s PG-13, I wouldn’t take a kid to it unless they’re at least 14 or 15, and even then I’d watch it with them to provide some perspective.

It’s much better than a text message

Posted on 08. Oct, 2008 by kchristieh in education, parenting

It still bugs me that the kids at our local high school feel they need to make a big production out of asking each other to dances. They’re not content to merely say, “Would you please go to the dance with me?” No way! Instead, they make big signs to display at football games, write poems, bake treats, and so, so much more. It’s tough when the person being invited doesn’t want to go, and feels pressure to say “yes” since the person asking went to such an effort, and it’s devastating when a person goes to a big effort only to be shut down. It’s also tough to be one of the people who doesn’t get asked when it’s such a big deal when people do get asked.

But I’m softening in that position. I thought back to my high school years, and even when I wasn’t 100% enthused about going to a dance with someone, I would say “yes” and make sure to have a good time. I also read a newspaper article recently that lamented that kids still ask each other to homecoming via text message, and I don’t think that shows as much respect and enthusiasm as doing something special.

From now on, I won’t complain as much about the effort that our local kids go to when asking each other to dances. I just hope they have a good idea of how the person will respond before they ask. I also hope they do just as much someday when it’s their anniversary or their spouse’s birthday.
Besides, it’s really cute when the invitee responds by doing something special, like this:

Those are rose petals. Awww!!!

On the other hand, perhaps the easiest solution is just to go to a dance without a date. It frees you up to dance with whomever you want!

My new cook is really cute

Posted on 09. Jul, 2008 by kchristieh in food, my life, parenting, work

I’ve been challenging my teenage son to do something productive this summer, and he finally came up with an inspired idea: he’ll cook dinner for us each night and do all the dishes for a few dollars each. I’ll choose the menu with him, to ensure that we don’t have pizza and macaronii & cheese, but he’ll do all the cooking and cleaning.

It’s a win-win situation. He’ll learn how to be an even better cook, and I’ll get to catch up on work. My clients are keeping me busier than ever, and it’s hard to get it all done while the kids are off from school. I have full confidence in his abilities. After all, this guy makes waffles and palacinky for his friends when they sleep over.
So far, he’s made one meal: Southwest Chicken. It was excellent.  :)

Here’s the recipe:

Ingredients:

1. Boneless, skinless chicken breasts, the thinner the better.

2. Mix the following in a bowl:

• 2 TB each of:
  curry
  cumin
  chili powder
  brown sugar
• 1 tsp each:
  salt
  pepper

Technique:

1.    Dip each piece of chicken in the rub.
2.    Fry chicken in olive oil for about 4-5 minutes on each side.

Every senior’s worst nightmare, solved

Posted on 26. Jun, 2008 by kchristieh in education, movies, my life

When I was a senior in high school, I applied to six colleges. That was a lot for 1981, but these days kids are often advised to apply to nine or more. Today I read about a guy who applied to 18 – and got into 17 of them!

My worst nightmare was that I wouldn’t get into any. I remember how relieved I was when I got my first acceptance letter. At least I knew I’d go somewhere, and I could exhale and relax.

But what if you don’t get in anywhere? What do you do? If you’re the main characters in the movie Accepted, you start your own college. I was too tired to work this evening, but had to stay up late to pick up my son, so I watched this on HBO with my teenage daughter. It was actually pretty good (though it completely deserved its PG-13 rating), and brought up some good topics for discussion. (fraternities, following your passion, how long four years is) It’s a silly movie, but it was the sort of brain candy we needed now that school’s out and she’s gearing up for a tough junior year.

Local man lures girls via MySpace, other sites

Posted on 28. May, 2008 by kchristieh in parenting, social networking

The next time I give a presentation to parents about social networking, I want to remember to tell them about this story that happened a few towns over. It’s unusual, and hardly ever occurs, but clearly it can happen, and nearby. Here’s a long excerpt from today’s Pasadena Star News:

Suspect allegedly lured teens on Internet

LOS ANGELES – A federal grand jury indicted a 33-year-old Monrovia man Tuesday, claiming he seduced 10 teenage girls over the Internet, had sex with them and took pornographic photos of the girls.

The indictment accuses 33-year-old Gregory Serrano of San Gabriel of 23 crimes, including using the Internet to entice minors, producing and possessing child pornography and destroying evidence.

Local authorities have charged Serrano, a graduate of Walnut High School, with 20 additional counts of child molestation stemming from incidents dating to June 2006.

Serrano allegedly used “social networking sites on the Internet to convince high school-age girls to have sex with him and pose for pornographic pictures,” U.S. Attorney’s Office spokesman Thom Mrozek said in a written statement.

Monrovia police Lt. Richard Wagnon described the allegations against Serrano as one of the worst child molestation cases he’s ever seen.

Ten girls between the ages of 13 and 17 have been identified as victims. Officials believe other victims have yet to come forward, said United States Attorney Joey Blanch.

Investigators discovered pornographic photographs in Serrano’s possession that depict victims other than the 10 already identified, Blanch said.

Serrano used Web sites like myspace.com, netlog.com and myyearbook.com to target his victims, Mrozek said.

How can someone justify such evil to themselves?

Scary man on Facebook befriends local kids

Posted on 14. May, 2008 by kchristieh in parenting, social networking

Would you want this man to be your child’s Facebook friend?

Unfortunately, this person had “friended” 17 of our local freshmen and sophomores before I was able to figure out how to report him and ask Facebook to shut him down.*

Big kudos to Facebook: within minutes, he disappeared from the site.

Parents, this is one more reason to make sure you discuss internet safety with your kids and have a good idea of what they’re doing online. This guy’s Wall included comments from kids saying, “Who are you?” but they “friended” him anyway.

I just got lucky to see this…but I may not next time. I’ve never seen anything like this before, on either MySpace or Facebook, and I don’t want to again. Let’s all be on the lookout for our kids’ safety.

By the way, this also prompted me to make sure my kids have their profiles set so that only friends can see them. Otherwise, even if my kids are being careful about who they friend, some sketchy guy who’s their friend’s friend would be able to see their profile. Yikes!

* I was able to see his profile, and clicked on “Report” at the bottom of his page. However, I don’t see that at the bottom of all pages. When I clicked on Help / Safety & Security / Report Abuse, I filled out a form, hit submit, and got the error message to the right.

Teenage boys shower before Mom drives them to their girlfriend’s house?

Posted on 26. Feb, 2008 by kchristieh in health, parenting, sports

As usual, rumors of the moral delinquency of our youth are greatly exaggerated.

Surveys show that 80% of teenage boys pursue a girl because they like her. Only 14% put sex at the top of the list. In “Peeking Inside the Mind of the Boy Dating Your Daughter” in this Sunday’s NY Times, we discover that,

Physical attraction and wanting to get to know someone better were tied as the second-most-popular answers. Boys who were sexually active were as likely to say they pursued sex out of love as they were to say they simply wanted to know what sex feels like or to satisfy a physical desire. Wanting to lose their virginity barely registered, with just 14 percent of boys checking that answer.

Researchers said the findings show that teenage boys really are motivated by love and a desire for meaningful relationships.

One can only hope!

Did you realize that only 29.8% of 16-year-olds have their driver’s license? That’s down from 43.8% in 1998. The NY Times story “Fewer Youths Jump Behind the Wheel at 16” says that,

Reasons vary, including tighter state laws governing when teenagers can drive, higher insurance costs and a shift from school-run driver education to expensive private driving academies.

To that mix, experts also add parents who are willing to chauffeur their children to activities, and pastimes like surfing the Web that keep them indoors and glued to computers.

I generally love chauffeuring my kids around. That’s when I find out what’s going on in their lives. I got my license at 17, and think that 16 is too young anyway. I LOVE the photo the Times put with the story (see right). If the girl had dark hair, that picture could be me driving and my daughter in the passenger seat, texting.

And finally, boys should be showering more these days. Wrestling parents in particular should read the Fresno Bee story “Wrestlers grappling with infections: Skin diseases plague school competitors.” Wrestlers are at higher risk of contracting skin infections, including a drug-resistant form of staph called CA-MRSA.

The California Interscholastic Federation, which regulates high school sports, is planning a conference Monday in Sacramento with state health officials to address the issue. But the anecdotal evidence is everywhere: 10 Firebaugh High wrestlers came down with various skin infections last year.

Three wrestlers at Gustine High were treated for staph infections and a form of herpes in January. McLane High forfeited a league match against Sunnyside in January because five wrestlers had contagious skin infections. Last year, two Clovis High wrestlers missed more than a week after contracting herpes, possibly at a tournament in Utah.

In the San Diego County community of Encinitas, 13-year-old Brian Carbaugh died in January from a drug-resistant staph infection after possibly contracting it in a wrestling class. High school wrestling in Minnesota was suspended last year after 24 cases of herpes were reported on 10 teams.

A big part of the problem, health officials say, is that many athletes don’t shower, clean their gear or practice good hygiene.

My son’s good about showering when he gets home from practice or meets, but that’s no guarantee. Scary stuff, especially if you’re allergic to penicillin like I am. The picture to the right accompanied the article. If that’s not enough to scare your son to shower, I don’t know what is.

Why I finally let my daughter have a Facebook page

Posted on 13. Feb, 2008 by kchristieh in my life, parenting

After much consideration, I finally made my daughter’s day and told her she could have a page. Here’s why:

• She’s 16, and I think she’s mature enough to handle it
• Our church youth leaders announce upcoming events on Facebook
• She agreed to be my “friend”
• She’s going to give me her user name and password
• She’s only going to be “friends” with people she’s met in person
• We agreed upon her privacy settings
• I’ve been exploring Facebook lately, and I think it’s safer than MySpace

I envy my kids’ generation. They have so many more ways to bond and keep the communities that they build than I ever did. Once they graduate, they’ll still have their friends’ cell phone numbers, Facebook pages and email addresses to help keep in touch. I’ve lost track of all but a few of my high school classmates. Then again, I do keep in touch with the ones I care the most about.

I also get the impression that there’s more mixing between social groups because of Facebook. Some kids have friends online that they probably would never eat lunch with. Even so, because they’re “friends,” I think they have at least a modicum of sympathy and respect for the other person. Even though there can be online bullying, maybe it nets out to be less bullying overall since people don’t bully “friends.”

I’ve been more impressed with the culture of Facebook than that of MySpace. People generally use their real names and personas, probably because they’re accountable to whichever groups they belong to. I’m also glad that I can’t see personal details of my daughter’s friends unless they’re also my friends.

Going through high school with a conjoined twin

Posted on 11. Feb, 2008 by kchristieh in disabilities, inspirational people

Here’s a featuring conjoined twin girls, Abby and Brittany Hensel, who were born in 1990 and live in Minnesota. They have two spines, two stomachs, three lungs and two arms. Even so, they lead incredibly normal teenage lives, and have great attitudes. According to Wikipedia, they play sports, play piano, and even drive. They’re on track to graduate from high school this year.

I took a day off and finished a good book: “Dogface”

Posted on 12. Jan, 2008 by kchristieh in books

Hopefully no one who reads this blog needed me to do anything for them today. Instead of working, I took a Saturday off and finished reading my advance copy of Jeff Garigliano’s “.”

I had a hard time putting the book down. The characters were endearing, and there were no slow parts. Here’s the Publisher’s Weekly review:

A 14-year-old boy with an affinity for all things military makes for an extremely likable protagonist in former naval officer Garigliano’s dark, wonderfully twisted debut. Habitually uprooted by his beautiful mother, Cecile, Loren despises her ever-revolving carousel of dolt boyfriends, so he revolts by torching the golf course where Cecile’s latest dish, golf pro Tom, tees off. Loren gets caught, and Cecile reluctantly ships him off to Camp Ascend!—a six-week rehabilitation program for young miscreants headed by Ray Kellogg, aka the Colonel, an ex-con scam artist who charges a $7,000 fee for treatment at the ramshackle campground staffed by the Colonel’s suntanned, heavily coiffed wife, Kitty, and Kitty’s sadistic, malevolent brother Donovan, who likes to play drill sergeant and torture kids. Loren, clever and smitten with pretty fellow inmate Liz, uses the skills of the seasoned operative to navigate and, eventually, defuse the escalating dangers at Camp Ascend! in a thrilling denouement. What initially seems like a wacky teenage romp morphs into a harrowing story about resilience, redemption and the will to survive. Garigliano excels with this sinister, superlative debut.

At first, I was afraid that the book would be a rip-off of Louis Sachar’s , which also follows an enterprising boy at a questionable juvenile rehabilitation camp. That’s where the similarity ended, however, and I enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed Holes. I can’t believe this is Garigliano’s first book, and I look forward to seeing more of his work in the future. Also, like Holes, I hope this becomes a movie. I think it has the makings of a very good one.

From what I can tell, this book is being marketed to adults, not teens. I think that’s a good thing, as there’s one scene (p. 159) involving a prostitute that isn’t appropriate for teens. (or me) Even so, it’s not incredibly graphic, and in the end, the bad guy looks that much more stupid for being there. I think if you explain that to a kid before you hand him the book, this book would be fine for a mature teen boy.

The publisher sent it to me because I maintain a list of books that you wouldn’t normally think of for teens but that they’d like. There’s a special section of the list with books that boys would probably like. It’s easy to find teen chick-lit books for girls, but there aren’t as many options for boys, so I try to highlight what’s available. Please let me know if you have any books to add to the list.
Relaxation’s over! Back to work!!

One mom’s view on Jamie Lynn Spears’ pregnancy

Posted on 19. Dec, 2007 by kchristieh in parenting, tv

I recently asked my daughter if Jamie Lynn Spears was following in big sister Britney’s footsteps. My daughter didn’t think so, but all that went out the window when we found out that Jamie Lynn, who’s only 16, is pregnant by her 18-year-old boyfriend. Not surprisingly, my kids said this was a major conversation topic at our local high school today.

I feel sorry for her. We all mess up, but some of us mess up in bigger and more public ways than others. So, in the spirit of forgiveness, I’d like to highlight two positive things that she’s done. First, she’s taking responsibility for her own actions. She’s not making excuses, and she admits she made a stupid mistake. Second, she’s not aborting the baby. There are many, many more Hollywood and non-Hollywood teen pregnancies we never even hear of because they don’t make it to term. At least this baby will get a chance to live.

(On the other hand, rumors that her parents knew that her boyfriend crashed at her condo and that she’s sold the rights to the baby pictures are pretty disturbing. It’s probably a good thing that the publication of .)

Of course, the positive things she’s done don’t begin to mitigate that this a nightmare for her and her parents. One of my buddies and I have boiled down all parenting rules to these: don’t get pregnant or get someone else pregnant and don’t do anything that brings harm to yourself or others. If you can manage not to do those, anything else you achieve is icing on the cake. And of course, we all want a cake with lots of icing. Right now, the Spears parents have lots of pricey crumbs.

When I first heard the news, I thought that perhaps it would encourage other teens to get pregnant. However, the sentiment I’m hearing is that kids think she did a really stupid thing. We can only hope. I don’t envy the parents of young fans of Jamie Lynn’s hit show, Zoey 101. It’s no fun . Then again, those parents didn’t have to explain Monica Lewinsky to that child like I did to mine. Oy!

How to Survive Your Teenager

Posted on 07. Dec, 2007 by kchristieh in books, parenting

I’ve decided that parenting a teen is like trying to lose weight: everyone has a different idea of what works, and what works for one teenager won’t necessarily work for another.

That was the main lesson I gleaned from by Hundreds of Still-Sane Parents Who Did. About 30 parents discussed this book today at the first meeting of this year’s PTA book club. I started the book club last year when I was a junior high PTA president, and it was so successful we decided to do it again. Even though my kids are both in high school now, I included the junior high parents, since I’d miss them if they weren’t there. (Aww!)

The book includes quotes about parenting teenagers from parents with often completely different perspectives. For example, here are two quite disparate pieces of advice:

“I don’t disapprove of drugs. At my daughter’s high school, a lot of the kids smoke pot. It became apparent to me that she would smoke pot soon. And so I told her to smoke it at home, instead of out in the street where she could get arrested.”

“Those commercials that tell you to talk to your kids about drugs – they are right! I always thought it could be really uncomfortable and awkward to do that, but it is definitely effective.”

No wonder it’s hard to be a parent! I got some good advice from the book, but I didn’t think that all of the advice in the book would work for me or my kids. One of the moms at our meeting summed up the overarching theme of the book in one word: communication. We all agreed that the more honest communication you have with your child, the better.

Several parents came up to me afterwards and said how much they appreciated hearing that other families are just as imperfect as theirs. We all try hard, but none of us, parents or kids, is perfect. It’s comforting to know that others have the same struggles we do, and meetings like this really help to bring our community together.

I’m already looking forward to our next meeting.